The Edge
by Bridget1987
Summary: Edward is moving to a new city for a fresh start. On his way he finds a girl with a sordid past preparing to jump off a cliff. A chance encounter changes both of their lives forever. AH, Rated M for future lemony goodness
1. Chapter 1

The Edge

Summary: Edward is running away from his past when he finds Bella at the edge of a cliff ready to jump. Will they save each other and find a way to move on together? AH & Potential for lemony goodness

Stephanie owns it, sadly not me.

Chapter 1

Only 80 miles left to go. So close I can almost feel the soft bed under me. Whose idea was it to drive straight through the night? Oh yeah, that would be me... idiot. I've been on the road for 13 hours already with one more to go and I'm so ready for this trip to be over. My home in Chicago feels like a distant memory or at least I hope it soon will be one. I'm ready to start over in a new place and this new position as Chief of Psychiatry at Bon Secours Medical Center in Richmond, Virginia is the perfect place to start.

Looking out over the gorgeous view of the Blue Ridge Mountains I couldn't help but feel calm, peaceful almost. I can't remember the last time I felt this at ease. It seems like as long as I can remember there's been a constant buzz in my head from the commotion surrounding me in the city. Well, it's not like Richmond isn't a city also but at least I'll be able to live far enough into the country to have some peace and quiet when I get home at night. And just being away from the consistent nagging of my family will be a new kind of repose unto itself.

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and I even love my annoyingly hyper sister, Alice. They've always been supportive of me and they've always wanted the best for me. The "best" however is an issue up for some debate.

Suddenly I was brought out of my internal trip down memory lane when a hissing sound began to emit from my car followed by a gust of dark gray smoke which almost blinded me as it bubbled out of my hood.

"No girl! You've made it so far. Don't give up on me now!" I tried to reason with my overheated engine but alas it would not listen to my pleas. I realized I was coming up upon one of those Scenic View rest stops that frequent mountainous landscapes so I let my beat up old Volvo coast into the first parking spot. I reached for my iPhone to search for a tow truck or some kind of mechanic but was defeated when I realized it was dead. Stupid battery lasts ten minutes! And do I have my car charger with me, of course not. It's probably sitting in my other car that I sadly left behind. Well it's not like I was taking the Vanquish on a cross country excursion.

I begrudgingly got out of my car and was relieved by the refreshing breezing filled with the most beautiful scents of wildflowers and fresh greenery. Well if I'm going to be stuck somewhere at least it's somewhere with a magnificent view. The cliff edge in front of me dropped off into a stunning valley with patches of farm land dotted with cows and covered in rows of newly growing vegetables. Beyond the valley was a wall of smokey blue mountains framing the only slightly lighter blue sky.

The breathtaking view of the countryside dazzled me so it took me a moment to realize I wasn't alone. At the far end of the parking lot sat an old rusty red truck that looks like it may have just been abandoned here sometime in the late 50's. Just in case however I scanned the area for life. Obviously there was phone booth here so unless I find someone with a working cell phone I'll be walking at least ten miles to find help for my car.

That's when I saw her, with her mahogany waves of hair blowing in the breeze and creamy white skin that seemed to almost sparkle in the sunlight. I only saw her from behind as she was much closer to the cliff's edge but what I could see made the beauty of the scenery pale in comparison.

After forcefully closing my slack jaw I tried calling out to her.

"Um, Miss! I'm so sorry to interrupt but I seem to be having a bit of car trouble. Would you happen to have a cell phone I could borrow?"

There was no response or indication that she knew I was even speaking. It is rather windy so I figured maybe I should move a bit closer. Slowly I closed the distance between us to the point where I could reach out and touch her. Of course I didn't want to startle her, especially if she hadn't heard me before. It was a steep drop off that cliff and she was right at the edge. So I tried just clearing my throat to get her attention.

Nothing.

"Miss," I spoke softly but clearly, "I really am sorry for bothering you." Still nothing... until I realized her whole body was shaking.

I like to think of myself as an observant person but I could have kicked myself for not seeing more clearly before. I was so dumbstruck by her beauty I didn't take into account a very important detail. The siren in front of me was balancing, quite precariously, on the other side of the guard rail which lined the edge of the cliff. In that split second I realized I'd just stepped on a land mine and if I wasn't exceptionally carefully I would be watching this damsel in distress plummet to her death in mere seconds.

Instantly my years of experience in psychiatry came streaming through my mind. I tried to pull any and every morsel of information I could to solve this as fast as possible. If I could just get her to stop and think for a moment then all hope may not be lost. First, I wasn't sure if she was even aware of my presence. Given her probable state of mind it was likely she was so focused in her task at hand that she had no awareness of my being a mere two feet behind her. Possible solutions started pouring through my mind.

I could grab her and pull her back to safety … which, if she had an instantaneous adrenaline rush could result in her flailing and thus pulling me over the edge along with her.

Best not to touch her in any way. But I had to break the spell she was under. No telling how long she's been standing here but by the goosebumps on her uncovered milky white arms I'd say she's been in the cold wind for a while.

I had tried speaking to her but that obviously wasn't working. A moment of clarity hit me and I quietly but briskly retreated to my smoking car. A quick search and I had what I needed. I stealthily moved closer to her, this time I wrapped one arm around the top bar of the guard rail beside her, just in case. Careful not to touch her, I held an earbud right to her ear and pressed play. Claire de Lune by Debussy began to emit from the tiny speaker and her reaction was instantaneous, but nothing like what I was expecting.

"What the hell do you thing you're doing?" She turned her head in my direction and with lucid but reddened eyes. I was utterly shocked, not only by her comment and harsh tone but by the incredible depth of her chocolate eyes. It was like I could see straight into her fractured soul.

"Uh sorry, Miss. I couldn't help but notice what you're trying to do and I wanted to ..um... help?" It came out as more of a question than I'd hoped but the intent was still there.

"No I don't have a freaking cell phone for you to use so get lost. The next exit is 12 miles back so you better get walking if you want to make by sundown." And with that she turned back forward, writing me off. She had heard every word I'd said, she was just ignoring me, but I had to keep her talking.

"My name is Edward," I had to establish some kind of rapport if I was going to get her to talk, "can you tell me which direction I should choose?" I'd hoped she caught the double entendre but would be happy if she simply answered the direct question.

"It's not my job to tell you which way to go." She definitely understood me, but didn't want advice. That's fine, I can still work with that.

"So you're saying that one path is just as good as another?" She didn't respond. "Maybe I should just stay here then." I decided to go for snarky. "When you're done here I can get a ride back into town." As soon as the words were out of my mouth I realized I'd gone too far and wasn't specific enough, but at least it got a rise out of her.

Looking back in my direction she responded, "The keys are in the truck, take it... I won't be needing it. But if you don't mind I'd like to die alone, thank you very much."

"You don't have to die alone, ya know."

"Oh really, would you like to join me?" I couldn't be sure but I think I saw her lip twitch like she was trying to suppress a smile.

"Not today, thanks. What I meant was, you're not alone and you don't need to die." I have to tread lightly here, she's obviously smart and won't respond well to a direct line of fire.

"Oh that's right, you're here to save me, I forgot. Well, go run along, you're wasting your time and mine."

"I can't agree with you on that one."

"Rest assured, your time IS being wasted on the likes of me." She turned back to looking forward. New tears started flowing freely from her eyes. I was losing her, time to back track.

"Oh no, that's not what I meant at all. I meant I'm not wasting your time. You see, if you're planning to off yourself any minute now, how could I be wasting your time? The way I see it, every minute you keep talking here with me is one more minute you're gaining, not losing."

"Do you really think all your stupid psych-babble is going to convince me to change my mind? Don't you think I have a good reason to be here in the first place. That I've thought this through?"

"Oh I'm absolutely certain you have a damn good reason to be here. It has to be something absolutely wretched for a beautiful angel like you to want to fall." I let her sigh in disgust, I wanted her to think I was just some shallow womanizer – better that than a shrink that's going to try to analyze her. Do I think she's an angel, damn straight! But that wasn't the reason for the comment. But I couldn't let her think I'm a total creep so I continued, more softly this time. "Why does anyone make this decision? But then again, why does anyone decide to NOT jump?"

Her brows furrowed and I had to hold back the incredible urge kiss away the wrinkle above the bridge of her nose. "Why are you doing this?" she responded.

"Well Miss..." I looked at her expectantly hoping she'd give me her name

"Swan... Bella Swan"

"Miss Swan, or can I call you Bella?"

"Bella's fine."

"Bella..." I'd used this little exchange to get ever so slightly closer to her. I was now close enough that I could smell her hair, mmm... lilacs. Back on task. "The way I see it, Bella, I was brought here for a reason. My car never breaks down and today of all days it did, right in front of this cliff. And considering I haven't seen a car pass once in the last twenty minutes or so, I'd say that's a rather big coincidence. I need help and it looks like you might need some help as well. Maybe we can help each other?"

Again, she did not respond how I expected but I shouldn't have been surprised. Her groan of disgust filled the air and seemed to echo in the valley below.

"Really? You see a girl on a ledge and all you can do is think with your dick? Typical freaking man. Well too bad, bucko – unless you're a necrophiliac you're not going to enjoy it. Now please just let me do this in peace you sicko."

The doctor in me was taking mental notes... likely a victim of sexual abuse, immediately assumes men are out for sex... Well can you blame her? Chances are a beauty like that has been hit on constantly her whole life. And you did go for the womanizing skeeze routine earlier to get her off the path of thinking you're a shrink. Better get her back on track, this is getting ugly. I need another angle and fast.

"Okay Bella, have a nice life, all ten minutes of it." I started walking away but very slowly. "Oh one more quick question. Why today specifically? I'm not asking what happened just why today and not... oh, I don't know, tomorrow for example?"

"What are you trying to do? Convince me to wait a day so you can take advantage of me in the meantime... thanks but no thanks."

"Not exactly what I meant, see I have this little problem and I'm going to need your help." I rushed on so she wouldn't think I was asking for something creepy. "See the sun is starting to set, and I don't really have time to walk 12 miles before dark. There's your truck of course but if I drive it off and you're found dead people will pretty much assume I killed you and stole your truck.

"If you could put off the whole suicide thing for a little while and drive me to a rest stop, or even better into Richmond where I'm headed, I will promise to let you head right back here to off yourself in peace. Otherwise I'm just going to have to stand here and yammer your ear off til you die of boredom."

She looked at me and I knew in that moment I got her. It may not last but for now I got her. Now to lay on the last straw to tip the scales in my direction. "I promise not to touch you." I can't be sure but I thought I saw a flash of disappointment cross her features before her face went blank. "And you know I won't kill you... well you don't know that for sure but at least you won't be any worse off, right?" I smiled hoping that last line convinced her I could be trusted.

I stood there in a staring match with her for what felt like eternity and until she swung her leg over the railing.

"You better not try anything, buster." Her face as fierce as an angry kitten and even more beautiful than I'd thought. I finally saw her full on, with the glow of the setting sun setting her brown eyes ablaze and I realized in that moment my whole life had changed.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch 2

"So where in Richmond are we headed?" I was surprised that she had agreed to drive me all the way to my new home but I took it as a good sign. The further she physically got from that cliff's edge the better I felt, despite the fact that she could still just as easily go right back.

"Um.. it says here, exit 178B. I guess it's the Short Pump area." I read off the directions the realtor had given me by email.

"Wait, I thought you said I was bringing you home? You're not sure where you live all of a sudden?"

"Actually I'm only just moved here from Chicago. Thus the car overheating. I tried driving straight through but apparently Fate had other plans." My plan was to give her bits and pieces of information in the hopes of piquing her interest. If I she's intrigued by something, anything for that matter, she'll want to stick around to figure it out. The longer she sticks around, the more time I have to convince her not to return to that damn cliff.

"What brings you to Richmond of all places? Do you have family around these parts?" I couldn't help but revel in her slight southern drawl... not overwhelming, but subtle and absolutely charming.

"Nope, just felt like a change."

She kept taking the bait and I was reveling in it. "So do you at least have a job lined up? The market around here isn't that great right now. Well not anywhere but especially here."

"Oh I have a job. Why do you say that about the job market in Richmond specifically? Do you live in the area too?" I had no way of knowing if she was from Richmond or someplace closer to the cliff which was a good eighty miles from the city. She could live in some tiny town miles from here.

"My brother's been looking for work for over a year now. Has his wife and two kids to look after and even with a degree in engineering he's been bouncing around doing odd jobs to put food on the table." I was well aware that she didn't answer my question about where she lived but I figured I'd overlook it for the moment since she was starting to give some good information.

"So what about your parents? They can't help out?" She winced at the word "parents" and confirmed my suspicion that she'd lost someone close. Either that or they're somehow absent or abusive.

"They're not around," was her only response.

I decided to backtrack a little, "And you, do you have a job in this bad economy?" It was risky, this could be her reason for jumping right here.

"I am gainfully employed, yes." I guess she decided to be just as cryptic as me so I decided I needed to divulge a bit more to get back into a rapport.

"My sister, Alice, had a hard time finding work in fashion designing after she graduated a year back. She decided to start her own line instead. She's still struggling but she loves it."

"She's back in Chicago?"

"Yeah, her and my parents. They were pretty upset about this move but I needed some freedom. Sometimes they could be a bit overbearing. I know they mean well though."

I realized I was treading on thin ice. This is exactly why psychiatrists don't share private information with their patients, but then, Bella's not my patient. And for some reason I really don't want her to be one. I'd love to help her get back on track but if once I convince her to give living a try I'll have to recommend a colleague for further treatment. The thoughts I'm having about her at this moment are far from professional.

I looked over briefly when I realized she hadn't responded. She was biting the edge of her bottom lip, her brows furrowed in worry. If only I could see inside that head of hers and figure out what's causing her so much pain. Certainly family is a hot button issue. I decided to try to dig for a little more details.

"Bella," her head spun in my direction, almost like she forgot I was even in the passenger seat next to her. "Do you live on your own here in Richmond?" I decided to be sly about the location in the hopes she wouldn't pick up on it.

"Why are you asking me this? It doesn't matter because I'm not going back and you can't make me!" Her voice was suddenly forceful and I wasn't sure what I'd said to change her demeanor so quickly.

"Oh I'm not making you do anything you don't want to do, Bella, believe me. Have I lied to you yet?" She shook her head. "So why start now? I'm merely making small talk to pass the time."

She seemed at least momentarily appeased by my response so I continued. "You know it might help to talk about it. You know, to an impartial observer," I internally cringed at the word impartial. After knowing her only a short time I'm already finding myself drawn to this mysterious broken woman. I took her silence and lack of an immediate rejection as a good sign. "What if I promise not to weigh in, only to listen, would that help?"

She remained unreadable which was overwhelmingly frustrating, but then she made the slightest nod in the affirmative. "So tell me, Bella, what happened?"

"You probably think I'm going to tell you some sob story about how my father abused me or I was gang raped or something. It's nothing like that. If anything you'll probably just think I'm some silly girl with silly problems who's being overly dramatic."

"Bella," I tried to convey all my sincerity in my voice, "I didn't ask what I would think about your problems. If you were driven to this point it's obviously something very serious for you. Like I said, I'm just the impartial observer. Talk me like you'd talk to a pet."

At the word "pet" she broke down crying. Well, at least she's breaking down some barriers, but I couldn't help but be curious. I handed her my handkerchief and gestured for her to continue.

"My cat died. Okay so maybe that's not worthy of suicide but it was the final straw, ya know." I had to stop her there.

"Bella, please stop thinking your problems are insignificant. I'm sure your cat was very important to you, right?" She nodded while tears ran down her cheeks. "And am I right in assuming there's a little more to the story?" She nodded again. "So why don't you start from the beginning, rather than the final straw. When did you first think about killing yourself?"

"I can't believe you're even asking me this stuff. I swear the way you talk it's like you're a shrink or something." Thank God she was looking at the road and didn't see my facial expression at that moment. "I'm not really big on talking about my feelings, ya know? My family's not really that close. I mean, my brother's great but not really someone I can open up to that way." She paused and I notice a look of resolution on her face.

"I didn't always live in Virginia. I grew up here, or not far from here in a tiny little town, but then after college I lived in New York City for 8 years." I quickly did the math in my head, no way the woman sitting next to me was thirty. She looked looked at most 24 and I'd say she could even pass for a college student. Well I guess I don't feel like such a dirty old man since I'm 32. Wait, stop thinking of her like that. This is a seriously depressed person, not a hot date... well she is hot. Damnit – pay attention!

"While I was in New York I was in a relationship. James was older and he dazzled me with fancy restaurants and parties and … other things. Before I knew it I'd left everything I knew behind and was living with him. It was like a fairy tale at first, until it all started crashing down. He um... well, he was abusive," she paused again and I wonder if she'd heard the low growl that escaped my throat. The thought of some jerk hurting this sweet innocent... okay gotta get in under control. Breathe...

She focused on the road and continued, "I don't even have to look at you right now to know what your expression is. That cross between pity and frustration. Yeah - I never really expected I'd become 'one of those women.' The kind that defends some asshole who's hurting her. The one that bends over backwards to just keep his temper from blowing up. I remember watching 'Sleeping with the Enemy' and thinking Julia Roberts was an idiot for even getting in that state. That was before... It's different when you're in it, ya know. He had this way of making everything into my fault and everyone else just loved him so after a while I started believing the lies."

I decided to redirect. "So you were with this loser, James," I had to grit my teeth just saying this douchebag's name, "and then you realized one day you wanted to leave so you moved back to Virginia?"

"Not exactly. I left him 3 times in all. The first two times he .. uh.. convinced me to come back. At the time I knew I was better off without him but I just wasn't strong enough to shake him. I finally realized the only way to move on would be to completely leave behind everything from his world. The parties, the superficial friends, everything. I quickly found out that I didn't really have much of a choice in the matter. He'd spread vicious lies about me to all our mutual "friends" so that was that. Maybe his plan was to ostracize me until I got so lonely I'd give in and come back, I'm not really sure. The thing was, I didn't care about most of those people. They were just a bunch of fake airheads, most of them. It did hurt though when some of the people I'd really thought were my friends abandoned me without even listening to my side of the story. But I suppose whatever James told them must have made me into a monster. He was always very... convincing. Anyway, you can see why I have a hard time opening up to people now."

"So you lost your friends? Then you moved down her to be near your brother?"

"Well not all of my friends abandoned me. I still have Garret, my best friend, well I did. But then he met Kate and she's 'Team James'. See, Garrett never really knew the whole story so now if I even bring it up, whatever James said comes back to haunt me so I end up looking like a liar or a drama queen." Her face fell visibly.

"But there's your family? Your brother you mentioned before and your sister-in-law?"

"Emmett and Rosalie are great. Emmett's just about the best brother a girl could ask for and Rose is really nice and welcoming. I moved down here and they sort of took me under their wing. I found a job at bookstore in their neighborhood but it's only part-time and the pay isn't great so I'm not able to contribute very much. Rose says I contribute by babysitting my nephews, Sam and Embry, but I'd do that anyway." So I was right about her living with her brother. And her history explains her trust issues, especially when it comes to men. But what was the crux of the matter here? The cat might have been the straw that broke the camel's back but what cause the fatal blow right before that straw hit?

Almost like she read my thoughts, she responded. "Emmett finally got a job offer. It's perfect for him, head of engineering for some big wig corporation. Right on par with what he'd been doing for Dow before he was laid off." I was just waiting for it now. "The job is in New York." And there it is.

"I can't go back there. It's like James practically owns the city. I'm barely even functioning here in Richmond. It got really bad before I left, and I swore I'd never go back. Emmett of course knows this and like the idiot he was all set to turn down the offer... for me!" She made an exacerbated sigh like there was no way she was worth it. I'm beginning to really like this brother of hers.

"Do you feel like you're not worthy of his love and support? Obviously he cares a lot about his family and you're very important to him. I'm sure he just wants you to be happy."

"That's just it! I'm not happy! I haven't been for a really long time. I was with that jerk for so long I forgot who Bella Swan really is and even I'm better than I was before, I still can't freaking form friendships to save my life. It's like I'm socially retarded now. My average Saturday night is spent watching the lastest Shrek installment while fighting a popcorn war with my twin 5 yr old nephews. Forget dating I can't even make friends!"

"You have me, Bella, and if you'd let me I'd love to be your friend." She gasped and I can't believe the words slipped out like that. God I just hope I didn't ruin all her progress with my stupid lack of filter!

"Um... uh." It was almost like she'd forgotten she was talking to another human. Like this is the sort of conversation she'd normally reserve for her cat.

"Don't worry about that right now, keep talking. So Emmett turned down the offer and then your cat died? Is that the end?"

Thankfully she took the redirection – God how embarrassing. I just hope she forgets I said that. I mean sure I'd love to be her friend but right now this girl needs help and obviously has problems with trust. How she's even venting like this now is amazing but I can't take anything for granted.

"Well he got the job offer on Wednesday, but he has until Monday to decide. So 2 days ago, after hearing about everything from Emmett, I ran to Felix, my cat, to talk which is what I usually do in that kind of situation." I was right about her forgetting I was human. "I looked everywhere and couldn't find him. I figured he was probably off hunting in the woods behind Emmett's house. But yesterday I got a call from a neighbor who found him, or what was left of him which wasn't much more than his collar and some bones." She shivered and then started crying harder this time. I suggest we pull over and since we were close to my exit she ended up pulling off the highway and heading to a diner.

"Would you like to go inside? We can talk more over some coffee." Anything to prolong this conversation was all I could think. I could see why she felt so hopeless but I needed her to understand there were other options for her. I was hoping I could convince her to stay here in Virginia, either with or without her brother. I'd like to think my motivation was entirely selfless but I also wanted to get to know this sad, beautiful girl who is crying next to me. I've counseled thousands of patients and I've never before had this overwhelming desire to protect someone. I just wanted to wrap her in my harms, kiss her on the head and tell her everything will be okay.

I had to touch her in some non threatening way so I opened her door and offered my hand. She stared at it for a moment and I was almost certain she was going to ignore it or push me away so when she grasped my hand tentatively I couldn't hold back my goofy smile. I looked into the chocolate depths of her eyes and through all the pain and suffering they carried I saw the smallest flash of hope.

After a moment I notice her shifting her gaze nervously and realized I was just staring at her. I tried to compose myself quickly and led her into the diner. We were at our table before I noticed we were still holding hands.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch 3.

The waitress brusquely shoved menus in our direction and spat out the list of specials before running off to fill our drink orders. I don't think I even looked in her direction once, my eyes were naturally drawn to the forelorn girl in front of me.

"So Bella," she looked up at me finally while still playing with the napkin in front of her. "What now? You planning on heading back to the cliff after you finish your Coke?"

"I guess, I mean I really don't feel like I have much of a choice. I may have gotten away from that bastard but it's like he kept the best part of me with him and now I'm just stuck drifting. He planned everything, controlled my every move and now that I'm out I'm pretty much useless. And the pain..." She shook her head like she realized she'd said something she hadn't intended to share.

"You mean the emotional pain you're going through is difficult?" I softened my voice, hoping like hell she wouldn't think I was trying to belittle her struggle. What surprised me was her answer.

"No, I mean real pain. If anything I should be grateful for it, I suppose. It's the reason I was able to get out finally but now I'm stuck with it and that makes it hard to even think straight sometimes."

This was new. I'm fairly certain she didn't mention having some physical ailment earlier and she looks alright, other than being a bit too slender. Of course that doesn't mean much. Man I can see why I found her on that ledge. She really needs to catch a break and I can only hope that I'm it.

"Bella, do you have a pain condition? What's wrong?"

"Lupus."

Oh crap. My mind is sifting through every medical journal and textbook I've read to recall any bit of information available on Lupus. I know it's a chronic inflammatory condition where the body basically attacks itself. I know the outlook is bleak and the symptoms are painful and include depression. I wanted to ask what form of Lupus but was afraid to get all 'doctor-y' on her. She still doesn't know what I do for a living and I'd like to put off that conversation for as long as possible.

"I was diagnosed back when I was with James. At first I just thought I had a virus or something and that it would pass. You can only imagine it didn't go over well when I tried telling him I was too sick to go out to parties. After the diagnosis came he let me off the hook for a while but pretty soon he got frustrated that I wasn't getting better."

"You said you should be grateful for getting sick because it helped you get out? How so?"

She looked away for a moment and stared out the window silently. I was fairly certain she just wasn't going to respond until I heard her soft voice return. "Because of the meds I was on, I couldn't imbibe at parties like I had before. I started sobering up and realized just how bad my situation with James had become. It was like this fog lifted and I could finally see clearly." So that's it, alcohol and probably drug use. That's what kept her with him for so long. My guess would be he was using drugs as one more way to control her.

"Once I figured out I needed to leave I did some research on the best way to leave an abusive partner. I packed up as much as I could under the guise of 'organizing the closet' and one day when he was at work I had movers come and voila. I left a note telling him we're through and not to try finding me. Of course he tried anyway but I changed my phone number shortly thereafter and didn't tell anyone where I was going. He doesn't even know Emmett lives in Richmond. He'd never let me visit so for some reason I never got around to telling James when he moved from Winston-Salem up here. I guess somewhere in my mind I knew I'd need an escape plan one day. Garrett's the only person I stayed in contact with and he only knows I'm in Virginia somewhere.

"I've been back to NYC a few times but made sure to only go out when I knew James would be busy elsewhere. As for the Lupus, the symptoms come and go but lately, well, it's been coming more than going. It's why I haven't been able to work full time and why I have to depend on Emmett which I hate. So now you know the whole story. I don't really want to go back to that cliff but if I stay I'd have to go with Emmett and his family back to New York where I just know James would find me and make my life hell again."

"Have you thought of an alternative plan?" She looked at me with a confused expression so I continued. "I mean, even if Emmett were to take the position, you could still stay here in the area."

"But I told you already, I'm not making enough right now for my own place. Plus, even if I could swing it, the whole reason I moved back down here was to be close to my family. What reason would I have to stay?"

_Me._

_God, don't say that out loud._

"Well, you grew up near here, right?"

"Yeah, in Forks, about an hour and a half drive west of here." Hmm, so that would mean the spot where we met is very close to her hometown.

"Do you still have friends there?" I know it sucks but at least she'd be relatively close by. I can't help but hope her answer is no and that really is confusing me right now.

"I guess, but we're not exactly close. After I moved to New York, James pretty much forced me to write off all my old friends so now most of them wouldn't talk to me if I physically ran into them on the street, let alone invite me into their homes. Plus, I'm sick of having to depend on someone all the time." She looked down again. No, this is making her more depressed. Gotta bring out the big guns.

"You could look into finding a roommate situation here in Richmond. I know you said you've had a hard time relating to new people, maybe this could be a blessing in disguise – a chance to branch out and make new friends. Even if all you did was stay at home you'd be forced to interact with at least one new person."

"I guess you have a point but I wouldn't even know where to start. I mean, there is craigslist but what if I end up with some knife-wielding psychopath as a flat mate?"

"Funny you should mention that." I smirked at her, and secretly crossed my fingers under the table. "Well, the flat mate part, not the knife wielding. It just so happens that I know a guy with a great big house all to himself and he just might be looking for a housemate at the moment." Okay a partial truth. I wasn't looking for someone but now that I've found Bella I'm not letting her go.

"Edward, you're not suggesting I move in with you are you?"

"Looks that way." Anxiously I watched her facial expressions for some kind of indication that she liked the idea. I was not pleased to see her sudden scowl.

"What is this some kind of charity crap you're trying to pull? Find a suicidal girl and put her up to make up for past wrongs or something? Why would I stay with you? You could be a serial killer for all I know."

"Bella, if I was a serial killer, why would I take you away from a secluded spot and invite you to my home? And no, this is not some karma payback either. I like you and I think you'd made a good housemate, that's it. Besides, haven't you ever searched for a roommate on craiglist or something? It's basically the same concept. This just saves us both the trouble of posting ads.

"So you were looking to rent out a room already?" _Lie_

"Sure, I have a 2 bedroom house and I'm used to living with my sister so it would be lonely coming home to an empty place every night." I hoped that she was catching on to the not so subtle fact that I'm single. "This new job will keep me pretty busy so you probably will hardly see me around. Plus, I'm new to the area and you're still relatively new as well. We can explore the city together" _Okay, back off bucko, was that you just asking her out?_

Thankfully she ignored that last comment. "I don't know, Edward."

"Think of it this way, it's better than going back to New York and certainly a step up from hurling yourself off a cliff. Why don't we head over to my new place and you can check it out." She looked hesitant so I continued. "And I promise to be a gentleman at all times. I can even have my sister Alice give you a reference if you'd like." _Please say yes_

"Okay, I suppose it wouldn't hurt just to see your house. It's not like I had any more plans for today."

My smile must have grown a mile wide.


	4. Chapter 4

As always, I don't own it - I just like to play with the characters on occasion.

Ch 4

"Welcome to Casa Cullen... soon to be the Cullen-Swan abode."

"Maybe... I didn't say yes yet, just that I'd have a look. And you'll have to meet Emmett. Oh God, Emmett! The note! Fuck." She was out the door and running for her truck before I could even blink. What the hell?

"Bella!" I screamed after her, "Where are you going?"

"Emmett – I have to see him. I left a note. If he's back and has found it I might he's gotta be freaking out right now."

"You can call him." For whatever reason I needed her to stay with me. Forget the suicide attempt even, I just didn't want to let her go.

"A call won't cut it and how would I explain where I am? Plus if I get there fast enough I might be able to grab the note and destroy before he finds it. There's no way in hell he'll take that job if he gets hold of that note and I'm still alive. He'll want to stay for me. He doesn't even really know what happened with James. He has no clue. But he will if he gets a hold of that note!"

We'd made it back to her truck and she didn't seem surprised when I jumped back into the passenger seat. She took off and sped along as fast as her old truck would take us. It was a few minutes before she finally looked over and took stock of the situation.

"Edward, what are you even doing coming along for this? You should've stayed at your place and called a tow truck. If Emmett's found that note this is going to get ugly really fast and you don't to see Emmett angry."

"What is he the hulk or something?"

"Close," she replied and I audibly gulped. Maybe following her was a mistake but screw it, I can deal with Hulk Emmett and I'll need to meet the guy anyway if I'm going to try to convince Bella to move into my house. How did this day turn upside down so quickly? I know for certain I'm going to crash soon. The adrenaline I've been running off of through this whole encounter is bound to wear off at some point.

Before long we reached a charming little white cottage with a small playground set up just past the end of the driveway. Rose bushes lined the front porch and an American flag waved proudly from it's stand on the side of the front door. It was the quintessential American home.

Bella was out the door like a flash of lightening and running to what looked like the side entrance, probably into the kitchen. I hightailed it after her, not sure what to do other than stay close to her trail. She weaved through the kitchen down a flight of stairs into the basement. This must be her room. I quickly surveyed the area taking mental notes of the lack of décor on the white walls. The only personal affects were her two bookshelves fulled to the brim. She ran to her full sized bed and snatched up an envelope that had "Emmett" scrawled across the front.

"Thank God it's not opened. It looks like they haven't come home yet. I was hoping when I didn't see their minivan but you never know." She sat down on the bed and released a loud breath of relief, then reached for a cell phone on the bedside table. "Want to call that tow truck now?" I was more concerned with her at the moment so I shook my head no. "You sure? It's getting late, it might be tomorrow before they can get your car."

"I'll deal with that later. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I mean he never found the note so it's like it never happened, right?" She took a moment shred the note into bits and tossed them into her trash bin by the bed.

The truth is it did happen or I wouldn't be standing here ready to alter my existence for this woman. Finally she looked up at me with an odd expression of curiosity like she'd really forgotten everything that had happened and wondered why I really was in her room. I don't think she's delusional, merely that the events of the day were finally catching up with her.

"So what now, Edward? Where do I go from here?" I sighed ready to ask her once more if she'll move in with me but I know that's not really what she's asking. I didn't get a chance to respond however because at that moment the basement door swung open and a booming voice shouted out Bella's name.

A thunderous cacophony of stomps echoed from the stairs as the mammoth beast of a man who must be Bella's brother, Emmett, entered the room. I stared blankly like a deer in headlights completely unaware of how I could possibly explain my presence to this tank of a man that won't somehow land me in a hospital.

"Emmett, hey, glad you're home. This is Edward."

For some reason I couldn't help but think my countenance must in some way show my ever growing attraction to his sister. Readying myself for a punch I stood stalk still for a moment longer until finally he reached out his enormous hand to shake mine.

"Hell must have frozen over if Bells is bringing a dude to her room. Nice to meet ya, man. How do you know my sis?"

I have an MD in psychiatry, and yet at that moment I could not quite figure out how to work my tongue to speak.

"We met at the scenic view spot outside of Charlottesville. I was... having a picnic up there and Edward's car broke down and both of our cell phones were dead so I gave him a ride back to town. Turns out he just moved here from Chicago."

Emmett seemed to accept this well enough, nodding and smiling. There's no way this hulk sized dude could be this chill, right?

"Yeah, Bella was just helping me out... I mean, um." Shit, what am I fourteen and meeting her dad? "She told me about the job offer, congrats." Take the job and split so I can have Bella to myself. Good god I'm a selfish prick. Here she has serious issues and may need years of therapy before she could possibly have a healthy relationship and I want to throw her over my shoulder like some neanderthal?

_Mine._

Thank God Emmett was ignorant of my internal monologue.

"Yeah, I haven't been able to find something my field down here since I was 'downsized' a while back so things are looking up. Speaking of which, Bella I really need to talk to you about that soon. I have to get back to them by Monday and this decision affects all of us. But we can discuss after your friend deals with his car troubles."

"Actually, Emmett, that's something Edward and I were just talking about." Please God let's not have this conversation now. What is he going to think of my offer when he only knows half the story? He's going to think I'm pervy slimebag that's macking on his sister. Well at least that's partly true but I'd never hurt her. I just hope she knows that.

The look of fear I gave Bella must have only spurred her on because she kept going. "Turns out he's looking for a housemate so I was thinking maybe if you guys head up north I could stay here … with him."

Emmett turned to me and I swear if looks could kill... "That's awfully sudden, sis." He said to her while continuing his death glare through my skull.

"I know it seems that way but it might not be a bad idea."

WTF? Did she just say she wanted to live with me?

"Think about it, Em. I only just left the city. It's not really designed for the sickly and it's not like I'm in the same social circle anymore." So he knows at least part of the James story. "But at the same time I don't want to hold you back from this opportunity. You need this job, your whole family does."

"You're my family too, Bells." Emmett started softening up again. Thank God, maybe I won't be smashed to a pulp... yet.

"Yes, I'm family but I'm also a grown woman who can support herself. Well, at least mostly. I can still work part-time and if I get published..."

"Wait, published? You're a writer?" Couldn't help but interject. That was something she hadn't shared yet, right?

"Trying to be one. I've written a few short stories but I haven't finished my novel yet. If I had some place quiet to work it would probably go a lot faster." Emmett looked hurt at that statement. "No! Don't get me wrong, I love Sam and Embry to bits you all need to have your own place and your own time together. I've always lived with someone... Mom & Dad..." I still need that story...okay, later "James, then you Emmett. I may be Edward's housemate but it will be like living in an apartment almost. I'll pay rent like a normal person and not via chores and babysitting, and I'll get a chance to prove myself without someone supporting me for once."

Wow, all she really needed was a shove in the right direction. I don't know if this is all how she really feels or if she's doing this for Emmett's benefit while she secretly plans to drive back to that cliff next week but she's got me convinced.

"Is this really what you want, sis? I don't want you falling on the sword here just because you think this is what I need." He has no idea just how accurate that statement is.

"Yes, this is what I want. Edward, you've got a new housemate. How much is the rent, I want to pay for the first month?"

Crap I didn't think that far ahead. When I thought of this idea I wasn't even planning on charging her rent but it's obvious she's trying to prove herself. The house is bought and paid for... thank you trust fund... so it's not like she needs to pay a portion of the mortgage. How much does rent even go for these days in an area like this?

"How much do you want to pay?" I'll just have to figure out a way to give it back to her after she pays it. Maybe I can set up a savings account in her name and surprise her with it later.

Apparently that wasn't a good response because she looked nervous all of sudden. No, go back to headstrong, confident Bella from five minutes ago!

"Well I've never actually paid rent before. I know what James paid up in New York but that was pretty steep and it was a great big loft."

Emmett decided to play the role of negotiator. "Back up a minute, is this place in a safe neighborhood?"

"It's Short Pump, Em. You don't get more white bread yuppified than that."

"I'll need to see it first before I can give my okay on this, sis. And you'll need to sign a renter's agreement."

"How about this," time to diffuse the situation. "I'll call my lawyer and have him draft up the paperwork and send it over. Meanwhile, we can all ride over back to my place since I'm still missing my car at the moment. As for rent, I'll let you two talk that out and you can tell me what works for your budget. Emmett, I'm sure you're wondering if I'm some skeeze trying to take advantage of your sister here. I assure you I am not but as my word may not be enough to convince you, I'd be happy to supply personal references. Basically I'm new in town and don't know a soul in Richmond except for Bella. It would be my great pleasure to rent out my spare room to her and hopefully get to know her better..." wait that didn't sound good at the end, hmm... "as friends, of course." Hope he bought that last part.

"Well I guess that sounds okay. You'll have to meet Rose too. She's an excellent judge of character."

Bella leaned over an whispered in my ear causing me to hold back a shudder from her sudden close proximity. "He means she can bust your balls until you break if you're not the real deal. But don't worry, because I know you are." Her smile made me feel suddenly very warm.

"No time like the present. Rose is upstairs with the kids making dinner. Let's head up, get some grub and then we can check out your place, Eddie." Ugh I hate that name but I really don't want to correct a guy who could pull out my spleen and shove it down my throat so I'll stay quiet.

Bella and I followed Emmett up the stairs and because I couldn't help myself, my hand stayed on the small of her back all the way up.


	5. Chapter 5

I don't own Twilight.

AN: While I have a loose outline of the story there are still some things up in the air for this story. I'd love to hear your thoughts, suggestions, comments. Reviews are my brand of heroin :)

Ch 5

Dinner was delicious and other than a few suspicious eyebrow arches, Rose seemed fine with Bella's and my new living arrangement. The kids were two little whirling hurricanes of energy but since I'm used to living with Alice it was no surprise. Thinking about my sister made me realize I still hadn't called my family to let them know I got in safely. Once I charge my phone I'm sure there will be a million missed calls. I'll just have to deal with that later because I have no interest in having that conversation right now. I can still remember the last time I spoke with Alice and it was not something I'm eager to repeat.

"So you're just leaving town. One bad egg and you're going to leave your whole life behind? What the hell, Edward?" Alice always did have a flair for the dramatic.

"One bad egg? A girl died on my watch, Alice." I had to breathe in slowly to ward of the inevitable flashbacks when I think of it now. "Every time I step foot in that office it happens again and again on constant loop. I can't think straight anymore. And who the hell would want me for their doctor in this city? Everyone knows what happened. Most of my patients have either left or barely will speak to me."

"But it wasn't your fault!"

"I disagree... and so do countless others. If it weren't for her parents agreeing with you I'd have lost my license by now. It doesn't even matter what actually happened at this point. It's all perception."

"And because of their perceptions you're just going to throw away your family, your practice, your whole world? What about Tanya? Have you even told her?"

"Tanya? You make it sound like we're actually a couple and I'm leaving her at the altar or something." Tanya and I knew each other since we were kids, her parents being my God parents and vice verse. In the last few years our families have been trying to push together. The pressure picked up when I finished my internship but I've never had romantic feelings for her. She's likewise uninterested but makes a show of flirting with me at social affairs which only eggs on our families and makes things worse. I haven't even spoken with her since the last gala event and that was months ago.

"Well you could be... she could be the one and you're just going to leave her behind without a word?"

"Alice, you know as well as I do that there is nor will there ever be a relationship between Tanya and me. It's just wishful thinking that we'll tie the two families together and that's it. If you're so eager to link us with the Denali's, why don't you hook up with Laurent?" She shuddered at the thought. I don't blame her, the guys is creepy. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

"But Edward, please don't leave. What the hell is in Virginia that you can't find here in Chicago?"

The sound of Emmett's booming laugh brought me back to the moment. And I have the answer for Alice now.

_The one thing Virginia has that Chicago lacks... Bella._

"Alright man, let's head over to your place and check it out. Can't have my sis living in a crack den." Emmett smiled warmly. I have to admit I'll be sad to see this guy go. After he got over the protective brother routine he showed his true colors which admittedly were very cool. You'd never think by looking at him at that he's this engineering genius. Professional football player maybe, weight lifter, something along those lines would seem reasonable. He's also hilarious and super friendly. Of course I still wouldn't want to get on his bad side.

Rose is the quintessential mother hen. She could whip up a gourmet meal and still keep her rag tag munchkins in check without batting an eye. I also got the sense that she would lay a major smackdown on anyone who tried to hurt her family, especially Bella. My guess is she knows a lot more about the James character than Emmett.

We piled into Emmett's jeep to drive back to my house. We'd been it so briefly before I hadn't had a chance to really check it out. The realtor had sent me photos of course so I knew the layout but I was eager to see Bella's impression.

From the outside you could see it's a white Cape Cod style home with grey shutters, nothing overly remarkable but definitely quaint which is what I'd been going for. I felt no need to flaunt my family's wealth. I really meant business with this whole fresh start idea. There were some amenities I had to have if only because I am still a spoiled rich kid at heart, but I didn't want anything outwardly ostentatious. The first floor consisted of the 'great room' as the realtor called, which is basically a family/living room that practically takes up the entire floor, and the kitchen. I'd had my furniture delivered and set up already so the great room was filled with a long white couch and matching chairs. My baby grand was set up by the bay window overlooking the backyard... perfect.

I watched as Bella's eyes lit up while she perused the marble counter tops and stainless steel of the kitchen. I could just imagine her at the stove, her hair pulled back in a loose knot, wearing only some cute pajamas while making us eggs for breakfast. Then I'd walk up behind her encircling my arms around her waist, nuzzling her neck to smell her fragrant lilac scent... ugh... must stop.

"Let's check out the bedrooms," I suggested... yeah because that will help my situation SO much.

Upstairs consisted of two bedrooms, one on either side of the floor, with a shared bathroom in between. They each had vaulted ceilings with skylights which was a big draw for me when choosing this house.

It looks like my personal stuff was already set up in the slightly larger room but I offered to move it if she preferred more space.

"Seriously? This is your house! And both rooms are plenty big. You saw the size of my room now, this is fine."

"You mentioned needing some private workspace. If you'd like we can section off a part of the great room for an office, or I could add on to the house if you want. I know it's kind of small but there's an enclosed porch out back and..."

"Relax, bro! She likes it." Emmett was definitely amused by my nervous ramblings. "This place is almost the size of our house and she shares that with a whole family." I watched her nod in agreement, then her face turned sad. I'm sure she's worried about leaving her brother.

"Are you sure about this, Bells? I know you want to stay in the area. I don't have to take this job, ya know. There might be something closer to Richmond and I could commute. Plus I know Rose isn't too thrilled about raising the boys close to the city."

"No, Em, you need to do this. Opportunities like this don't come along very often and you need to support your family. And you guys will find a house in the NJ suburbs and it won't be much different from the kids living here. Plus think of all the new experiences the kids will get to have being so close to Manhattan. I'll be fine here. Plus Edward here needs someone to show him the city. Maybe now I'll get a chance to explore it more and make more roots here. It will be good." It almost sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than her brother.

"Okay, sis, if this is what you want. Just know that you always have a home with us. We'll have a spare room waiting for you if you ever want to visit or if you get sick of this guy." The pat on my back almost knocked me to the floor.

"When do you plan on moving, Emmett?"

"Well they want me up there yesterday apparently. Turns out the last guy left without notice, a real douchebag move if you ask me." Ugh, that's basically how I left my practice. My poor receptionist had to spend her last day calling all my patients to cancel any remaining appointments and to tell them I skipped town. At least I gave her a month's pay for severance but he's right, it's still a douchebag move.

"Anyway, it will take some time to find a house and get the kids settled but hopefully we'll be settled in before next month. Then the kids will have a couple months to get used to the new place before they have to start school. I imagine it will take a while to sell the house, so Bells you can stay there after we go for a while if you'd like."

Not good. The idea of her in her current state living on her own does not sound appealing. As it is I have an urge to sneak into her room tonight to keep a suicide watch on her. The worst might be over but she's got plenty to deal with still and you don't get over that kind of depression in a matter of a few hours.

"Actually, Em, I was thinking I'd move in sooner rather than later. That way I'll be out of your hair while you guys are packing up. I can still come over and watch the boys whenever you need me but I imagine it will be a bit of a circus once you guys start your big move."

I couldn't hold back my grin.

"I'll give my lawyer a call in the morning and we'll sort out the details. I can bring over the paperwork tomorrow afternoon if that works for you guys."

"I guess that's okay." He still sounded reluctant. I can imagine this must seem pretty fast to him. To be honest if this was Alice moving in with some strange guy I'd only just met, I'd be fairly suspicious as well.

"If you'd like I can give you a list of references to check as well. I assure you I will make Bella is not harmed in any way. And if you both want some time to review everything and think it over, that's fine by me." I'd meant to direct that to Bella as well as her brother but realized at that moment she'd wandered off.

"Where'd Bells run off to?" Em was obviously making the same observation.

It's not a large house so we found her fairly quickly, lounging on the sofa downstairs.

"Sorry guys, I need to sit for a minute." Her voice was so soft I had to strain my ears just to hear her. I noticed she was even more pale than usual and her eyes were only barely open.

"You okay, sis? Getting sleepy? It's been a long day."

"You have no idea, Em... no idea." She mumbled. Of course she's exhausted, even a person without her condition would be worn out by the emotional strain she'd been under today. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and comfort her but decided that probably wouldn't help with the plan of not looking like a skeezy perv.

"Babe, you okay lounging here for a minute, I want to talk to Edward in the kitchen." She nodded and closed her eyes. "We'll be right back."

Once in the kitchen the interrogation began.

"Did Bells tell you about her health issues yet?"

"Lupus, I know."

"You prepared for this, man? I mean, it's not like you're going to be her nurse maid or something but I need to know you'll be able to help her when she needs it."

"I understand and I will help her in whatever way I can. I know about the condition and the symptoms are pretty bad. Whatever I can do to make it easier for her I will."

"Good to hear but I also want to know you're not going to try to take advantage of her. She has good days and bad days and when it's bad she's pretty much unable to function. There's guys out there that would use that to there advantage. I like you, man, and I don't think you'd do something like but I need your word on this."

"I swear to you, on my life I would never harm Bella in any way. I may not have known her for long but I know that she's special and I … well I just wouldn't hurt her and I'd kick the crap out of anyone who would try." Honestly if I knew how to find that James son-of-a-bitch I'd kick his teeth in right now.

"Good answer. I'll only say this once. You hurt her and you're dead." His tone was dead serious and though I'd like to say I could hold my own in a fight, it took a lot of effort not to whimper.

In as split second his grim face turned into a smile. "Now that's settled, let's go check on our girl."

Our girl. Does he suspect I'm already having feelings for his sister? Wait, do I?

Before I could brood on that topic anymore we were back in the great room and Emmett was cradling a sleeping Bella in his arms.

"Can you get the door for me man?"

We headed back out to the Jeep and I helped him get her settled into the passenger seat, while her head lolled to the side.

"Ketchup on my burger please... fish hat..." Looks like "our girl" talks in her sleep. She just gets more adorable by the minute.

Emmett chuckled softly as he buckled her in. "You wouldn't believe some of the stuff she's said while she's out," he whispered. Then he straightened up and went back into all-business mode. "Why don't you give me your number. I'll give you a call tomorrow and we can set up a time for you to bring over the paperwork."

Once that was settled I watched as the drove off into the night. I suddenly felt an empty feeling I'd never experienced before. This is dangerous territory. I know that Bella is going to need help but I know now there is no way I'll be able to keep a professional distance from her. Less than 24 hours and she's already made her way into my heart, something no woman has come close to before. And I know she could just as easily break me as I could irrevocably damage her fragile psyche.

I'm just going to have to remain in control. Bella's emotional and medical health must come first.


	6. Chapter 6

As always, I don't own it.

Ch 6

My life has been a whirlwind since arriving to Richmond. Of course that has everything to do with meeting Bella. After some back and forth between my lawyer and Emmett, along with countless interrogations from him, the plans were made for Bella's moving day.

And now it's here.

I'd suggested we hire movers to take care of everything and even offered to pay for the service, but the ever proud Bella wouldn't think of it. Even Emmett thought it might be a good idea. Neither of us want her straining herself too much so we've called in every guy we know, well that Emmett knows, to help out. It turns out she really doesn't have many belongings so in the end it was just Emmett, his friend Paul and myself doing the heavy lifting.

We're already half way done. The cars and trucks have been loading and all we need to do now is get everything moved in to my place. I can tell Bella is antsy to help but she's only been allowed to carry small, light things. Her condition can make her easily tired and cause serious joint and muscle pain so there is no way I'm letting her hurt herself. Of course that doesn't mean she always listens to our requests. Ever willful and proud, she's obviously not used to someone taking care of her. That is going to change.

"Bells, what the hell are you trying to do now?" I could here Emmett shouting from outside even though I was up in Bella's room dropping off a stack of boxes. I raced downstairs to find a giant box with legs walking toward me. How she can even see where she's going I have no idea.

"It's not heavy, Em it's just awkward." She managed to say that right before slamming into me. I fell over backwards and thankfully the box rolled to the side before crushing me. The forward motion had caused Bella to fall half on me and half on the box.

I'd be upset if her bright red blushing face wasn't so damn cute.

"Sorry, Edward," she squeaked and clamored to get off me as quickly as possible.

"No worries, but maybe you should stick with slightly smaller boxes, like something you can see over?"

"Not you too! This is my move and you all are treating me like some damsel in distress. It's really irritating! I may not be as tough as you guys but I can still hold my own."

"And I don't doubt that but the truth is, you're going to pay for all this heavy lifting later and I really don't want you to hurt. Not if I can avoid it."

I watched as she stomped off in a huff up the stairs to her room, and I can't say I didn't enjoy the view.

"She's as stubborn as our dad was. There's no talking sense into her but I have to try. She overdoes it and then ends up in misery or too tired to leave her bed for days. Man if I could donate a kidney or a lung or something to make her better I'd do it in a minute." Emmett shook his head in frustration.

I patted him on the back and told him sincerely, "I'll take good care of her. I promise you, Emmett."

Narrowing his eyes in suspicion I was sure I was about to get nailed but his look suddenly shifted to a jovial smile. "I believe you, Edward. Ya know I think you two are good for each other." And with that he left me gaping as he returned to the truck.

–

Some hours later, Emmett and Paul said their goodbyes and headed out with promises of meeting up again soon this week. We were told we had an open invite for dinner at Em & Rose's house and given how pitiful Bella looked hugging her brother, I'd imagine will be over there a lot before their move. Well, at least Bella will. I don't want to totally intrude on their time together but I can't help but want to spend time with her whenever I can. I'd like to say it was the psychiatrist in me, intrigued by her case, but that's far from reality. In reality I'm already far too close to her to ever treat her as a patient but she will need some form of counseling. Once she's settled in I'll discuss it with her. I'm not looking forward to telling her my specialty. So far she knows I'm a doctor and I may or may not have lead her to believe I'm a general practitioner merely by not telling her otherwise when that's what she guessed. I'm afraid she'll question my motives once she knows but of course she'll find out eventually so I have to confess it at some point. Plus once I do tell her I can hopefully get her in to see one of my new colleagues.

My thoughts on Bella's current mental health swam around my head as I started to drift off on top of the covers on my bed. It's far too early for sleep but the exhaustion of moving has done me in. Maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a moment.

Suddenly I was ripped from the depths of sleep by a crashing sound coming from our shared bathroom. Without a moment's thought I leaped out of bed and began pounding on the locked bathroom door. No response.

Getting nervous I began shouting Bella's name, pausing occasionally in the hopes of even a quiet answer from the other side of that door.

"Bella if you don't answer me in the next 5 seconds I'm busting through this door! 5 – 4 – 3 – 2..."

I knew there was a good likelihood that she'd be pissed at me but I rather see a pissed off uninjured Bella any day of the week than one in potential harm. I went to work using my shoulder as a battering ram. Finally the wood surrounding the lock split and I barreled into the room. The sight before me stopped my heart dead.

Floating naked in a tub of pink tinged water was my Bella, unconscious and drowning.

I bolted over to her, immediately pulling her head above water. After a lightening speed assessment I saw what had happened. She'd tried getting out of the tub, collapsed, either from slipping or possibly exhaustion. She must have reached out as she was fall, catching the edge of the shelf holding all our bath products as there was a gash on her hand and arm. It looked like a fairly shallow cut so I focused first on getting her breathing. A quick check of the pulse showed a week beat but still there was something.

Once I realized it was safe to move her I had her out of the tub and on the shag bathmat in a heartbeat. I tilted her head back and began to administer CPR. When the first round didn't immediately produce I started losing my patience.

"Come on Bella, wake up for me, sweetheart." Compress, compress, blow blow.

I kept it up for what felt like eternity but was probably on minutes until she began sputtering and gasping for air. I swear it was the most beautiful sound in the world.

Tilting her head to the side so she could get out the water she'd swallowed, I finally took a moment to realize just how horrified I was in that moment.

This was not a suicide attempt but it could have been. What if she'd passed out before getting up. There would have been no sound to warn me. I would have woken up hours later to Bella... God I can't think of that.

Once her sputtering was complete I tilted her head back to me, still keeping my hand under her head. Just as I was thinking the worst was finally over I saw the look of sheer terror on her face. My first thought was that she realized she had almost died and was frightened but then I noticed her arms moving to cover herself. Oh crap. I hadn't even thought about the fact that she's naked. I'd been so eager to save her the thought of her state of undress had honestly not been a factor I'd considered, other than it making my assessment easier in that instant when she was drowning.

I hastily grabbed a large towel from the rack above her head and spread it over her trembling body. Tears were now streaking her cheeks and the moment the terry cloth touched her skin she began screaming and trashing below me.

"Bella, shhh... it's okay. You're fine now. I'm a doct..." I didn't get a chance to finish the statement as she smacked me upside the head. What the hell, does she think I was trying to take advantage of her or something? Does she even realize what happened? But then I saw her eyes, wild and unfocused, glazed over and looking at some apparition of her past that wasn't there.

"No please STOP! God please don't .. NO James!" My vision turned red. If not for the injured and panic attack ridden woman below me I would've punched a whole in the wall just to feel some release from this encompassing rage. No, I must stay calm and help her through this. With gentle pressure I used my body to restrain her. I'm sure this wasn't going to help release her from her flashback but at least she wouldn't hurt herself further. I carefully held her pinned her arms with my hands, seeing for the first time a myriad of scars from small lines to thick jagged gashes covering both her arms and legs. I know she's clumsy but it's clear the majority of her scars are not from any accident. Again I had to swallow my fury. I can't even imagine the horrors she's experienced. How anyone could hurt this beautiful and pure woman was a thought so completely inconceivable to me. Okay, gotta focus.

"Bella, it's me, Edward. You're in the bathroom of our house in Richmond. No one is going to hurt you. You're safe here. SAFE. I'm not going to ever hurt you, sweetheart." The screaming had turned into a sort of keening noise most likely because she's hoarse. Her eyes remained unfocused and unchanged. I have to do something to bring her out of this hell.

Leaning over her, something that cause the pulse points in her wrists speed up their thrumming instantly. I knew this must be scaring her but I had to try. I put my lips withing an inch of her right ear and began humming. It wasn't any specific song, just a random tune, but it seemed to be working. Her struggling tapered off gradually and she went silent. After a moment of quiet I pulled back to look at her. Her red rimmed eyes stared into mine and I swear the chocolate depths of those orbs could see straight into my soul.

"Bella," I breathed her name in relief, "talk to me, tell me you're back to me."

"Edward," her hoarse whisper gave a lusty overtone to her voice. How I can think of lusty fricking overtones at a time like this I have no idea. Well, then again it may have something to do with the mostly naked woman you're currently pinning to the ground a rather precarious and suggestive position. That realization made me jump back, and get as far as possible from her body as I could without leaving the bathroom entirely.

"I'm sorry, Bella, you were drowning and then you had a panic attack. I was just trying to help." God she must think I'm such a perv, hovering over her like that.

"No, thank you." She made to sit up which had me rushing right back to her. I swear she's like this magnetic force.

"Here, let me help you." I put my hand between her shoulder blades on her back and slowly raised her to a seated position. Her hands were the only thing keeping her towel up.

Even after allowing me to help her she came back with a snarky remark. "Oh I do believe you've helped enough." This caused me to release her back like I'd suddenly been burned. Did she think I overstepped some boundary? I'd hate for her to think of me like that.

"Stop, that's not what I mean." What? She can read my mind now too? "I mean you've lived with me for less than a day and you're already playing nurse maid. You must be seriously reconsidering this decision."

"Bella, don't ever think that. Asking you to live here is one of the best decisions of my life. I just hope you don't think I was trying to hurt you. This is your home too and I want you to feel safe here."

She looked down to her lap and blushed. "Thanks again."

"Do you need help getting up or .. I mean, I could carry you to your room if you need help."

"Um, I'm feeling more awake now, but thanks. I think you got enough of a free show today as is." she smirked and her eyes looked amused so I'd know she was only kidding.

"Okay, well I'll let you get dressed. I'll be just on the other side of the door. When you're done, let me know. I'm not 100% certain you're not concussed so I'm going to help you to bed or the living room, wherever you want to go. If you want we can order a pizza and watch a movie. I think it would be best if we kept you awake for a while so I can make sure there's no signs of danger."

She nodded and her face was so red it practically glowed. Yeah, guess I should probably let her put clothes on now.

–

Once we were settled on the couch, stomach full of pizza and half way through "The Hangover", I asked Bella what had been my mind since the whole bathroom incident had occurred.

"Would you like to talk about it? The panic attack I mean."

"Not really." She almost seemed to shrink up into herself, hugging her knees to her chest and burying her head between her arms.

"I thought we'd agreed it helps to get this stuff off your chest." Damnit, don't think of her chest. She didn't respond so I continued. "Listen, I know he hurt you, and even though he's not around anymore that doesn't mean you're somehow magically healed. The only way you can really let the past go is to face your fears and deal with them head on."

Her whole body started quivering in fear, and after everything she'd gone through tonight I couldn't possibly bring myself to cause another panic attack so I relented.

"It's okay, you don't need to talk about it now." I wrapped an arm around her shoulders in what I hoped was a comforting gesture. "Just know that I'm here for you if you ever want to talk about it."

After that there was no further mention of the 'bathroom incident' for the rest of the evening. After a while she calmed down again and started enjoying the movie. She even laughed, softly but I'll take what I can get. As the credits rolled, I took in her sleeping form on the couch next to me. We weren't touching but her whole body seemed to be turned toward me. I'll have to take the good signs when I see them. Hopefully she's beginning to at least somewhat trust me at this point.

I carried her to bed and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. This beautiful, frail, broken angel was brought into my life for a reason. I will do everything in my power to save her, both from her past and from herself. She's already capturing my heart, and in the process I feel this almost primal urge to protect her at all costs.

–

A/N - That's it for tonight. I'm trying to post as often as possible. Thanks to all of you who have added this story to your favorites list or story alert :)

I'm a first time writer so...

Please Review! I promise if you suggest a cool plot twist I'll do my best to add it in :)

Hugs to all,

Bridget


	7. Chapter 7

I don't own the Twilight saga, yada yada.

Sorry – I meant to post sooner but had a rough day yesterday. My cat died yesterday. In case you were wondering, he's been sick for a month and yes that's why I wrote in about Bella's kitty. Anyway, so writing's been tough and I wouldn't be surprised if this chapter's riddled with errors but it's as close to done as it will get.

Therefore, I would like to dedicate this chapter to my beloved Thomas Katt. May he find peace and tons of cat nip up in kitty heaven :)

Ch 7

After a night of fitful sleep, in which every creak or bump caused me to jerk awake in panic thinking Bella was in some form of danger, I finally gave up around 5am.

Since I still have another week before I begin work, I really didn't have much to do to keep me busy. I figured a jog might help release some of the built up tension from the previous night's drama.

It was a good run but I still couldn't shake this feeling of uneasiness. Am I doing the right thing? Will I be able to help her? My insecurities and doubts swam through my mind until I finally returned home. On my way to shower I decided to check in on Bella.

Finding her asleep was no surprise as it was still rather early, but I was a bit taken aback by her current bedmate. Nestled between her arms in a soft embrace was a well-loved stuffed cat. Now if you had asked me a few weeks ago what I thought about a grown woman sleeping with a stuffed toy I'm sure my reaction would be as it is now.

Adorable.

I don't doubt that the cat is a placeholder for her former animal companion. As I made my way to the shower I thought maybe I should get a cat or dog... someone to keep Bella company while I'm away. Imagining the smile on her face at the sight of new furry creature caused a warm sensation in my chest that was all too welcome. Should I ask her first or surprise her? Maybe I could blindfold her and take her to a shelter where she could pick. I was so engrossed in my planning I didn't hear the creak of the door or the padding of feet but when I turned around to rinse the shampoo out of my hair I could clearly see a very shocked, beet-red faced brunette staring at me through the clear shower curtain that separated us.

Thank god I'd only been thinking of animals! However the sight of a scantily clad Bella, despite her state of shock and mouth agape, had my body quickly responding. Trying to remain calm so as to not embarrass either of us further, I turned off the flowing stream of water, grabbed the towel off the closest rack and wrapped in around my waist.

By that point Bella had yet to move a muscle or utter a sound and I was beginning to get worried.

"Hey there, you okay?" I said as I tentatively touched my fingers to her chin and closed her slack jaw. "It was bound to happen at some point. I'll be sure to lock the door when I'm in here from now on." Her eyes darting nervously still remained glazed and I couldn't help smirking just a little at her reaction. "I'm all done so it's all yours." Walking to my bedroom I could hear a string of profanities that would make a sailor blush. I can only hope that's a good sign.

–

"Bella, I'm on my way to pick up some groceries since we're pretty low at the moment. Is there anything I can get for you?"

Since our "shower incident" Bella had been hiding in her room. I decided I'd give her some space and head out to run errands, hoping that upon my return she'd be a bit more sociable.

She shook her head vehemently in response, not daring to look me in the eye. Well that just won't do at all. I took three long strides to where she sat perched on the edge of the bed, lifting her chin so she could look me in the eyes.

"I'm only going to say this once, Bella so listen up. There's no reason to be embarrassed about what happened this morning. With the two of us sharing a bathroom it was bound to happen at some point or another. To be embarrassed would be like saying there's something wrong with your actions and it's simply not true. Do you think we can just move on from this and stay friends?"

This time she nodded softly

"Good, now I'm going to pick up some food. Would you like to write up a list?"

"No, just... could you get some ice cream? Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup. I'll pay you back."

"Don't worry about it. Are you sure that's all?"

"Yeah, I brought some food over from Emmett's so I'm good." I not so subtly look in her thin physique wondering if she was getting enough to eat. No matter, I'll cook for her an make sure she eats right. I'm going to need to work up a proper diet regimen taking her health condition into consideration. For now I'll just double up what I normally get and see what foods she likes.

"Okay, well feel free to wander around, this is your home too now. No need to stay cooped up in here."

She smiled genuinely and I melted. "Go Edward, get some food already." And with that she unceremoniously threw a pillow at my head. That's more like it.

"Fine, I know when I'm not wanted!" I fake pouted as I shut her door and headed out to the market.

I returned from the grocery shopping to Bella opening the door before I could reach for the handle.

Her face was bright red, but not from her usual blush. No it didn't take a mind reader or an empath to see that she was royally pissed. And by the way she was pointing with one hand so close she was almost touching me I'd take a gander she's mad at me. Great, it took one day of living together for her to hate me.

"You bastard! What the hell, Edward... or should I say Dr. Edward Cullen, Chief of _Psychiatry_." Her words were dripping with venom, the word Psychiatry was spat out like a curse.

She raised her other, non pointing hand to show a piece of mail that must have just arrived, listing my title in clearly typed font. After her proof was shown to me it was quickly flung behind her much like it burned her hand even to touch it.

"Was this all just some fucked up kind of experiment to you? 'Let's save the depressed girl and study her in her own habitat.' It all makes sense now." She slowly backed away from me and it could not have been a better metaphor for her likewise retreating into herself. "You just wanted me here to study me. I bet you're taking notes in mind right now. 'It seems the subject gets angered when she finds out the man she thought might be her friend is actually just using her as a rat in his pre-conceived cage.'"

"Bella, calm down." No matter what I say right now she won't believe a word of it. I screwed up and the only way I could possibly fix this is to ditch all things related to my training and reach out to her from my heart.

Her response was anything but calm. "WHAT? You want me to calm the fuck down! I find out I'm just freaking science experiment to you and you want me to just grin and take it!" Her face, if possible, darkened in its shade of red, arms flailing why coming close either breaking something or worse, hurting herself. This made me take immediate action. I would NOT allow harm to fall upon her even if she was the one causing it. Well in all honesty it would be my fault but right now I couldn't think of that. Must focus on Bella.

I stepped forward swiftly wrapping my arms around her waist, capturing her arms at her sides. Immediately she began trashing at the restraint.

"Let me go you cretin!"

"No I'm not letting you go, not until I'm certain you won't harm yourself. You need to calm down and please just listen for a moment." Her fiery glare pierced my soul and if they could I'm sure laser beams of death would be shooting from her eyes. "The only reason I kept my specialty a secret was because I expecting a response like this. I know it was wrong and I apologize. If I had told you when we were on that cliff together there's no way you would have listened to me, thinking I was just trying to psycho-babble you down with no real concern for your welfare."

She scoffed and tossed her head to the side but at least she'd stopped thrashing. Meanwhile I had to use every mental trick in the book to keep from reacting to her close proximity.

"Can you let me go now?" Her words sliced through me but I had more to say and I didn't want her leaving until I was finished.

"Do you promise to stay still while I finish explaining this to you?"

"No."

"Then too bad, you're staying put." I watched as she grumbled but finally submitted. "The truth is I really do care for you Bella. You're a bright, witty, -"

"HA! I'm sure that's what you tell all your patients right before you get them to crack and spill all they're dark secrets. Is this the part where I'm supposed to lie on a couch and tell you how my mommy never loved me?" She finished with a fake whine in her voice. Ugh! How am I going to convince her that the way I've treated her is in no way similar to how I act with a patient.

"Bella, how many patients do you think I invite to move in with me? How many have walked in on me in the shower?" At that her cheeks burned red instantly and she ducked her head. "Nothing I have done with you to date has been in any shape or form been a test or an experiment. There's no way I could ever treat you as a patient, because I'm already to wrapped up in your life." I decided to spare the part about how I'll eventually recommend her see one of my colleagues. Probably best if I keep that on the down low for now.

She looked up at me with puffy tear streaked eyes and my heart broke that instant. "Then why, Edward? Why am I here?" In that moment I could see the broken little girl aching for comfort and love. The suffering she's endured would crush most people and I am seriously amazed she's made it this far.

I slowly loosened my grip around her and removed my arms. My hand came up to wipe away her tears. "Because Bella, you may have problems, but so do I, and maybe... just maybe... we can help each other. Not as patient and doctor, but as friends." I stroked her cherry red bottom lip with my thumb as I continued. "And who knows, maybe something more.

"All I know right now is that I don't want – no, I **can't** lose you." I was so close I could feel her warm breath on my face. Just one more inch and our lips would touch. My internal struggle was alarming. I can't touch this girl, must remain professional. But that's what this is all about isn't it? We're not in a professional relationship.

In the end it was the fear of hurting her that made me draw back.

You can imagine my surprise when it was Bella who stepped forward, reached her arms around my neck and crashed her lips to mine.

* * *

AN: Sorry it's so short … I'll post again over the weekend. Thanks in advance for your reviews!

- Bridget


	8. Chapter 8

A/N … Sorry guys! I meant to post sooner but it's been crazy busy here lately. More on that and my update schedule later. For now, enjoy the latest chapter. I don't own it but I'm eternally grateful to Stephanie for dreaming about sparkly vampires.

**Ch 8**

We walked slowly down a narrow hallway into a fluorescent lit room filled with steel cages stacked to low hanging ceiling. The air was heady with the smell of industrial cleansers and I could literally feel the joy being sucked from my body. It's impossible not to be moved at the sight of these poor creatures, many of which will never again see the light of day or experience a loving, safe environment.

Bella gazed upon the cages with glassy eyes and I knew her heart was breaking. Knowing her she's probably thinking up a plan to rescue all of them but that's just not possible today. Only one will be pardoned and released.

I moved over to the larger crate housing an obscene number of kittens. They're are some balled up in the corner in a heap, finding whatever comfort they can by huddling together in their sleep. One gray striped kitten notices me and tries to bat at my fingers through the bars. She shows her teeth in an effort to seem more intimidating and I have to hold back a laugh thinking of how much she reminds me of Bella the day she found out about my occupation. An angry kitten – adorable.

Flashback -

"_All I know right now is that I don't want – no, I __**can't**__ lose you." I was so close I could feel her warm breath on my face. Just one more inch and our lips would touch. My internal struggle was alarming. I can't touch this girl, must remain professional. But that's what this is all about isn't it? We're not in a professional relationship. _

_In the end it was the fear of hurting her that made me draw back._

_You can imagine my surprise when it was Bella who stepped forward, reached her arms around my neck and crashed her lips to mine._

_My senses exploded in that instant. It barely took a second for me to respond in kind, my arms wrapping around her tiny waist, grabbing at the back of her shirt and pulling her as close to me as possible. This seemed to spur her on further as she took my bottom lip between hers, sucking and nibbling it softly. I couldn't bring myself to hold back the embarrassing loud groan I emitted. _

_Bella use the opportunity of my parted lips to deepen our kiss. She was definitely in control. This quiet, sweet, selfless girl had transformed into a fiery temptress. All thoughts of right and wrong were gone from my mind – there's only her and the recurring mantra in my head - _

_More._

_I reached down and palmed her ass while she lifted her leg up over my hip. Our tongues violently thrashed. This was no soft, loving kiss. It was demanding and lust. Teeth clashing and fingers digging into flesh. The friction where my denim clad length met her pajama pant covered hip was only increasing the flames. Teasing and almost painfully slow movements as her hips bucked against me was enough to drive me to the brink. Control totally foregone I lifted her and her legs wrapped around my waist. Her hands wound around my neck, hands pulling viciously at my hair. I felt like the world could burn around me and I wouldn't care, so lost in her ministrations. My only thoughts were foggy and primal. _

_Take. Mine. _

_Before I could process the fact that my legs were moving I had her pinned to the closest wall, my hand now able to graze over the hardened peaks of her breasts over her thin t-shirt. _

"_Edward." She moaned now that we'd broken our kiss for me to gaze upon her beautiful but still covered chest. No that's no good, I thought. _

_Naked. NOW._

_I began slowly lifting the hem of her shirt when I heard a whimper escape her lips. Somehow it seemed wrong. Looking up and into her tear stained face I felt my heart collapse upon itself. It was in that moment my brain finally caught up with what was happening. Surreal – like a moment in a film where the focus suddenly changes and one thing finally stands out amongst the blur. What I'd interpreted as sounds of lust now made more sense because in her eyes, at that moment, I saw only fear … and pain. _

"_Holy crap, Bella!" I practically sobbed her name. I had lost control and I hurt her. Now she's scared of me. She should be. I'm freaking monster._

"_It's okay, Edward... just … you're um... crushing..." Her words were barely discernible between her cries of agony. Realizing finally that I still had her pinned to the wall, I slowly released her and she immediately crumpled to the ground. _

I was brought back to the present by the sound of Bella calling my name. How she can even stand to be in my presence now, only 24 hours after I hurt her like that, I have no idea. Somehow she managed to forgive me but I will never be able to forgive myself. In an effort to show her that I do truly care for her well being, I offered to bring her here, the local SPCA, to find a new feline companion.

"Look at this guy, isn't he a sweetheart?" She beamed and it was impossible not to smile in return. I don't fucking deserve her smiles. Looking away and trying to avoid the pain from that thought, I took in the cat she seemed to fancy. A black and white cat with one yellow eye stared up at me. I can't be certain, but I swear I looked like he was sneering at me.

"You sure about this one, Bella? I thought you would want a kitten." Of all the cats in this room she has to pick the ugliest, meanest looking beast

"So typical," she sighed, frustrated but still smiling, "Everyone goes for the kittens. It's the special ones like this guy that they don't bother seeing. The kittens are just blank slates, no telling what their real personalities will be like. On the other hand, if you find a raw gem that's seen a lot..."

I couldn't resist... "Or in his case, maybe not." She grimaced and swatted at my chest. I liked it.

"How can you be so intelligent yet so close minded? When you found me you didn't turn me away because of my flaws. They might not be as visible as his but they're present all the same."

She had me and she knew it. And somehow the fact that she could open her heart to this hideously deformed creature just deepened my already strong feelings for her. I know I'm in dangerous territory here. Her ability to see the good in all creatures, even the monster that I am, is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing for this poor dilapidated cat and a curse for me... because as much as want to be with her, I know it can't happen. I won't be responsible for adding to her misery. Her inviting me in, only makes it that much harder.

Flashback

_The sight of her small frame laid prone at my feet caused me physical pain, making each breath feel like a thousand knives stabbing me in the chest._

_Tentatively, I knelt down beside her. "Please Bella, tell me how I can help? Do you need your medicine? I .. I could carry you to your room if you need.."_

"_No Edward, I'm fine." Her labored breath and whimpers of pain were obviously telling a different story. How could I be so reckless? She has a pain condition. She's been sexually and physically abused for years, and what do I do? Throw her up against a wall like a rag doll. I don't know if I should leave her alone, if my mere presence is threatening to her now. The sheer terror in her eyes I had seen was worse than anything even my most tortured patients had shown in any session. _

"_Do you want me to call someone? Emmett?" I shudder to think what he'll do to my ass once he sees her like this but I'll deserve all of it. _

"_God No! Please, I'm okay – I just need a minute to get my bearings. Not like it's your fault. It's been a while and I'm not... I guess I just can't do all the things I want to do."_

_Wait what? She wanted that? "You're not upset... with ME? I basically attacked you just now. You should be screaming my head off and calling the cops right now."_

_And just like Bella, she never responds how I expect... she looks up at me, her red puffy eyes sparkle with mischief and she smirks. "As I recall, it was me doing the attacking."_

_How can she be so calm? _

"_Don't look so flabbergasted, Cullen," Cullen? Where'd that come from? "I'm not the sweet frail angel you think I am. I know what I want." And just like that her fast turned sad, the spark in her eyes dulls but doesn't disappear. "I just can't always have what I want." With that she looks away, letting the curtain of hair fall forward, covering her face. _

_Slowly she was able to stand up on her own. I offered a hand but she simply slapped it away._

"_You .. should probably put those groceries away. I'm going to take a bath." _

Those were the last words she spoke to me that day. After her bath I brought a sandwich to her room that she ignored while crawling into bed. At dinner time I checked on her and she was still asleep, the sandwich laid untouched on her bedside table. I gave up and let her get some rest. The next morning she came downstairs and it was like the events of the prior day had not passed. I will eventually need to talk to her about this but for now I'll let her enjoy her new cat, which she's currently poking at through the grates of his carrier while we ride in silence back to our home.

As I pull into the driveway I notice an unfamiliar car parked on the street in front of the house. Strange, I wonder who would just drop by? Maybe someone from the hospital? A delivery? I looked over to the porch and saw a tall man with long dark blonde hair that's pulled back in a pony tail. He's leaning against one of the posts holding up the front porch and I notice he's eyeing Bella through the windshield. She is currently oblivious to the visitor, too busy cooing over her new cat.

I stepped out of the car and walked over to the visitor, feeling an odd sense of dread as I take in his cocky smirk and cold, ice blue stare. Bella's following behind me, still absorbed in her one sided conversation with the creature in the small crate she's carrying. I stop a few feet away from him and feel Bella slam into my back. Correction, I feel the crate hit my back and feel Bella's new cat push his paw through the slats and scratch my back.

The world stops and the sounds of the cat yowling disappear from focus when I hear the sharp intake of breath from behind me and my worse fear is realized in the one word Bella speaks.

"James!"

Dun Dun Dun!

Sorry – it's a cliffie. But I promise to be better about updating. Last week screwed me up and I'm starting to figure out I can't always post when I want to when life occasionally gets in the way.

Therefore, moving forward I'm going just try and post twice a week. I don't want to commit to specific days but I can at least post that often.

Please review! I'd love your thoughts and suggestions :)


	9. Chapter 9

Ch 9

**I don't own Twilight, but I own an Edward doll that sparkles... yeah, because I'm that cool :)**

**Bet you were wondering if we'd ever get Bella's perspective... well your wish has been granted! Although, personally I like Edward's brain better. **

BPOV

No, no this isn't happening. How could this be happening? How the hell did he find me? And it's been months... why the frick can't he just leave me be at this point. He has Victoria now. I've seen her Facebook page, covered in photos of them groping each other.. some I'm fairly certain happened when James and I were still together.

"Hello Izzy. Miss me?" Ugh, I always hated when he called me that. He'd say it was his special name for me and no one else could call me Izzy. Good – I'd rather stick my hand in a blender than hear that name. He smiled like I was his long lost love that had just been away for vacation. He may be able to fool all of his mindless drones but I know the real James. I winced and tried to shut out the images of his attacks.

"James? You're need to leave my property before I call the police." Edward, always my hero, but he can't fight this battle. James won't leave until he has his say. That and I really don't want those two in the same place for any length of time. My head knows that Edward's strong and can probably defend himself but my heart breaks at the thought of him ever being hurt by that monster.

"I just need to speak to my Izzy for a few minutes. Tell him honey." I can't believe I'm letting him talk to me like this, but I know it's useless to resist. But he won't get what he wants in the end. I'm never go back with him, never again.

Edward looked at me expectantly, probably expecting me to refuse James and tell him to beat the crap out of him. I could see his fists tightening at they hung by his sides, his knuckles turning white with pent up rage. This is not going to be easy.

Slowly I handed Edward the cat carrier I'd been clutching with a death grip. "Take the cat inside, Edward. I'll just be a few minutes." I looked into his eyes, filled with confusion, then fear.

"No, Bella – don't do this!" He was so close, leaning down to whisper in my ear. I could feel his warm breath fanning over my neck and it was all I could do not to melt in his arms. This beautiful man has a power over me, and unlike James he'd never use it for evil.

"Edward," I whispered back, "please let me do this, give me fifteen minutes, that's all I ask. I need to take care of this myself." I leaned back so I could look in his eyes again, hopefully conveying strength and confidence. Apparently it worked because he huffed and stomped off to the door.

Looking over his shoulder, Edward shouted back at James, "If you fucking touch her you will pay, asshole!" Ugh, that's not going to help things. Of course, I'm sure James also say my reaction to Edward being close before. He'll use it to his advantage. We just turned this into an even better game to him.

"It's been a long time, Iz. It's time to come home."

"You have Victoria. Why are you even here? You were never happy with me. Why can't you just face it. We're over. My home is here..." God I almost had to bite my tongue to keep myself from adding 'with Edward.'

"No baby, Victoria's just another crackwhore. She doesn't mean shit to me. It was always you." While saying this he started stroking my arms. I could feel the nausea rising and each stroke fueled the fire of rage.

"Get it through your thick skull, James! I'm not now or EVER going anywhere with your sorry ass!" Holy shit I've never talked to him like that. It feels so good but I know what's coming. I could feel every muscle tense, ready for him to strike.

The hands that had been lightly touching me encircled my upper arms, crushing me in their grip. The pain seared through my arms. I bit my lip to keep from screaming, locked my knees to keep myself standing. Auto pilot kicked in, must preserve, protect. It was an instinct I picked up quickly in James' presence and apparently haven't lost. If he sees weakness it will be so much worse.

"No YOU listen, you worthless piece of shit." He was so close, only inches from my face, whispering probably so Edward doesn't hear him. Fuck he caught my eyes wandering to the door. "You think lover boy's going to save you? Does he know how you used to work for me? Think he'd touch your skanky ass with a ten foot pole if he knew where it had been? See all you have to do is come quietly with me now and pretty boy can go live in peace with his mangy cat." His face softened but his grip remained just as strong as I watched him visibly shift gears when a low keen escaped my mouth. I was trying so hard to hold back the screams it was all I could do to keep from biting my bottom lip off from the fire burning beneath my skin where he clutched my arms.

"Shh.. baby. You know I don't want to hurt you. Why do you have to push me like this? I love you, Iz. It's you and me, forever, you know that. Remember that time you sprained your ankle at the Brighton Beach party? And I took care of you the whole day. I got you all set up, remember? That was a good day." Oh I remember, 'all set up' meant shoving ecstasy pills down my throat until I was too fucked up to remember my name let alone that I was in pain. "And the New Years eve party at the loft in Astoria. You were having a hard night so I brought you to Kate's room and we made love and then I made you breakfast in bed." The 'hard night' he was referring to was due to the acid he gave me which was 'accidentally' twenty times stronger than anything I'd ever tried before. I saw God... no, not what you're thinking, it didn't have anything to do with the sex. If anything I was completely unaware the sex even happened. I was too busy finding out from God, who looked a lot like Alf by the way, that I was dating a worthless shmuck and my soul was dying. Guess it didn't really take psychadelic transcendence or a conversation with Alf God to figure that one out. By the time I came back to earth I had a banana shoved in my face by a post-coital James. Not a pleasant image to remember.

"James, please." I had to try to reach him while he was in this calm 'memory lane' mode or else I'd be outta luck. "What we had is over now, we've both moved on. Just please, leave me alone." Crap, that didn't work. I could see the black fire returning to his eyes and like a shot of lightening his hand struck my cheekbone under my right eye. White light was all I could see as I felt myself falling back from the force of the hit, the ground rising up to meet my battered and pain riddled bones.

"YOU FUCKING BITCH!" His voice rang out as he hurled obscenities at me. This is out of character for James and to be honest had me more worried than the sucker kicks he was simultaneously making to my ribs. He must really be losing it to scream out in the open like this. See that's part of why James is so insidious. No one on the outside knows what he's really like. He has a reputation to upkeep and would never be seen in the light of day going maniacal like this. Maybe it's because he doesn't care what folks in this town think of him? Or maybe he realizes he really has finally lost me. Either way, each scream brought equal parts fear and relief. Relief because I knew it meant at some point, Edward or even a friendly neighbor would hear him and come to help. Fear because if he's already lost his control, there's no telling what he might be capable of at this point.

It may have been minutes or hours that I'd been lying there spitting up blood, listening to a hollow echo that must have been James screaming. The kicks stopped suddenly and I wondered if he'd decided to switch to caretaker mode. That's when I heard a deafening crack pierce the fog of my mind. What surprised me most was that no pain accompanied the sound.

Black nothingness began to envelope me and I could just make out the sweet sound of my velvet voiced angel.

"Bella..."

–

Pain. It's usually the first thought in my mind when I wake, so this is no surprise. Every day I wake and realize I'm stuck with yet another day on this planet I feel pain. The heavy feeling in my muscles, an overall ache in each joint, sometimes dull and throbbing, sometimes an intense burning just under my skin, radiating to each part of my body.

Some days I wake up and realize I can't move. I learned a while back that when you live with a chronic condition like Lupus, every action has a cost. Sleep is the most costly. For every hour my body stays immobile it will be that much harder to get back to moving again. Then from that point until the day is over, each movement, however small will zap more energy, eventually leading to more sleep – the double edged sword.

I heard a story once called the Spoon Theory*. It was written by a woman with Lupus, trying to find a way to explain to her friend what it was like to live with the disease. They were in a diner and she asked her friend to collect every spoon on the empty tables surrounding them. Once she'd collected a bouquet of spoons, she explained that each one represented a unit of energy. Each activity of the day cost a spoon... brushing your teeth, taking a shower, getting dressed, making a meal, and so on. She started with the beginning of a day and asked her friend to give up one spoon for each activity she described for her day. Once the friend had gotten to dinner she only had two spoons left. That was when she realized just how a person with Lupus made it through the day. Little things you take for granted become painful and exhausting and if you're not careful, you won't be able to make til lunch before all your spoons for the day are gone.

So I learned to live with pain and fatigue. I accepted things like how my hair would come out in handfuls in the shower whenever I was stressed. Doctors and prescriptions and looks of pity all became part of the norm.

But something was different. This pain wasn't the normal morning stiff joints. First it was clouded, numbed. I'm not unfamiliar with the feel of narcotics and if I'm right I'd say I was currently on a heavy dose. Morphine maybe? Demerol? But why? It had been months since I felt the need to take something so strong. If anything I have James to thank for my lack of any interest in narcotics. He was always pushing some mind altering drug in my direction that by the time my body actually required some strong medication I was so disgusted by the concept I naturally avoided it at all costs. I'd much rather find a natural alternative if I could. I guess I get that from Renee. Always looking for some earthy, eastern influenced, alternative therapy rather than bothering with western medicine.

I need to focus. Drugs. I'm on something strong but I don't know why. I can still feel the pain though, piercing through the fuzzy edges in my brain. My ribs. That's weird, definitely not a normal sore spot. My face... throbbing near my right eye. A migraine isn't abnormal but this isn't what I'm accustomed to.

When I tried to recall the last events before falling asleep they seemed fuzzy. Edward at the shelter. The still yet to be named cat, with one eye, matted fur and a kinked tail. I could see his charm shining through. He was a survivor like me and we both knew it. The moment I heard his loud raspy purr I was sold.

But then after that... James. Fuck.

Is he still here? What the hell happened? Edward!

"I'm right here, love. Can you open those beautiful eyes for me?" Wait did I just say that out loud?

A soft chuckle told me my internal monologue must be broken. It took some effort but I managed to lift what seemed like fifty pound weights sitting on my eye lids.

Oh and what a sight for sore eyes, indeed. Astonishing soft green eyes met mine, above them that familiar shock of mussed reddish-brown hair. I could die happy looking at that face. His strong jawline tensed and I remembered maybe I should be careful what I think since I'm obviously not able to keep it to myself. Damn narcotics.

His beautiful full lips parted and I couldn't stop thinking of the earth shattering kiss we'd shared. I want that again and so much more. If only my body would cooperate. Alas, it won't matter for long. I'm going to need to tell him things soon... things that will make him leave or at the very least, things that will make him look at me like the disgusting filth I've let that monster create.

"How are you feeling? Can I get you anything?" Well at least I didn't spew that last part out loud, that would've sucked. Damn his eyes look so sad. Angels shouldn't be sad.

"I'm fine." The standard response. But then I noticed the beeping, and looked around to see machines and a dry erase board with a doctor's name and the date. Wait, what?

"I've been out for two days?" My voice sounded like I'd swallowed glass and my throat felt like the Sahara. I licked my chapped lips and angled my head to the side table. "Water?"

"Here." He lifted the mug and gently placed the straw on my parched tongue. Ugh, if I didn't feel like drugged up crap I'd love to suck on something other than this straw. Oh shit, I **really** hope I didn't say that out loud. Edward seemed oblivious so I think I'm safe.

"And yes, it's been two days since that... animal... got a hold of you."

My eyes widened at the thought of James … what had happened after I passed out? Edward seemed unharmed. "Is he... where is he?"

He immediately hung his head and it was obviously a point of contention. "He got away. When I heard him and saw that he... oh God, I can't believe I let that asshole hurt you. I'm so sorry, Bella." I stopped his diatribe with a flick of my fingers, the only body part other than my head that I was currently able to move. "Sorry... so, yeah. I flipped out. I was out there with a baseball bat, and I was able to get in one good shot. I'd thought he was knocked out cold but while I was hovering over you, trying to get you to wake up, he must of come around." I could feel my eyes widening in fear but he shook his head like he knew what I was thinking. "No, he didn't hurt me. The fucking coward ran to his car and drove off. I was so busy trying to call 911 and getting your bleeding to stop." I cringed. Blood was never my thing. I'm suddenly happy I was out for that part.

"The cops are still looking for him. They think he might have gone back to NYC but he must by lying low. If he shows up at work or his apartment he'll be brought in immediately. Don't worry, Bella, they'll get the bastard that did this to you."

I felt my eyelids growing heavier, the drugs winning out and my strength waning. "Get some rest, love." There's that 'love' word again. Does he realize he's saying it? Too tired to think about if further I felt myself drift off just as a soft kiss was placed on my forehead. As sleep began to wash over me I swear I could hear a soft angel voice whisper "I love you."

–

**There ya go. Hope you liked it :) **

**If you did, please give me some love... and by love I mean reviews. Reviews are better than forehead kisses from Edward... well, okay maybe it's a tie.**

*** "The Spoon Theory" is not mine – it was written b****y ****Christine Miserandino. For the full story, you can go to http: / butyoudontlooksick (dot) com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory (dot) pdf **


	10. Chapter 10

Ch 10

**AN: So the last chapter (heck the first 9 chapters for that matter) was kind of dark so I decided I need to lighten things up a bit... and what lightens things up more than a little citrusy goodness? Am I right?**

**Reviews are love and I seriously could use some love people! If you like the lemon let me know and hopefully there will be more in the near future. **

**Oh and I don't own jack … and if you're under 18 – then why are you even reading an M rated story – shoo!**

EPOV

It's been two weeks since James' attacked Bella and I'm a total mess. When I'm not kicking my own ass for leaving her alone with that sick freak even for a minute, I'm imagining how I'll kick HIS ass whenever the cops find him. He's still on the loose and since the police can't constantly watch the house I've hired a team of body guards for Bella to watch the house both at night or whenever I'm not around.

Emmett is leaving a few days and tensions are high amongst all of us. He's upset about leaving Bella "alone" with James on the loose, despite my assurances of protecting her. Bella meanwhile thinks Emmett and I are both going overboard but I simply won't let her win this argument.

I nearly died when I heard that son of bitch screaming and ran out to see her prone form on the ground bleeding. I still don't know how James even survived the blow to the head I gave him with an aluminum baseball bat, let alone how he could have snuck away after that. Waiting in the hospital for her to wake up was a real life nightmare. When Emmett showed up I nearly lost it, not when he threatened to beat the crap out of me for letting her get hurt – no, that I would have welcomed. It was the sight of this very large, imposing man walking back from her room with red, empty eyes and tear streaked cheeks that did me in.

The doctors finally told us that she was actually very lucky. As bad as she looked, covered in bruises, she managed to escape the ordeal with just a minor concussion and two cracked ribs. The bruises have mostly faded now but her ribs will still need at least another week to heal before she can go back to work. Meanwhile, I decided to push back my start date so I could stay home and look after Bella during her recovery. With her condition, her immune system is weakened so there was a good chance it would be a longer, more arduous recovery than a person without Lupus.

The first few days after she got home Bella barely spoke a word. I think somehow she felt she'd brought this on herself. As a therapist, I don't specialize in domestic violence cases but I am familiar with the mindset of an abuse victim. Bella is so much stronger than most and it amazes me that she stayed with the bastard for so long. But what most people don't realize is that it's much more difficult to leave an abusive partner than one might think. James was obviously playing mind games with her and from what she's told me, he used drugs as well to control her and keep her from leaving. Fortunately now she's off the drugs and I have to practically force her to take so much as a Tylenol for the pain as she recovers.

After a while she started getting annoyed with me taking care of her. I know she wants to be independent and take care of herself but the woman deserves some pampering. Like right now, all I want to do is fix her some lunch and you'd think she'd be grateful, but...

"Damnit Edward! I'm not a toddler for god's sake I don't need my food cut into little itty bitty pieces. I don't need you to fix me food at all for that matter. I'm practically healed and you're treating me like a freaking invalid!"

We're in the kitchen, where I may or may not have carried her to her chair from her room upstairs. Okay so maybe I'm going a little overboard but seriously, what woman doesn't like to be worshiped like the goddess she is?

"This need to end now, Edward. I know you feel guilty for what happened but it was NOT your fault!"

"Wait, you think I'm doing this because I feel guilty?"

"Well, yeah. But it's not your fault James is an abusive prick. If anything it's my fault for being stupid enough to let him lose it like that..."

"Stop right there. We'll get back to how far off track you are about you having any role in your own injuries. First, you have to know, Bella, that I'm trying to help you, albeit perhaps a little too much, but I'm doing it because I care about you. We've gone over this. I hope you know that I really truly care for you and I will do everything in my power to take care of you in whatever way I can.

"Now I won't go into the fact that I was mistaken for not punching James in the face the moment I saw him... we won't go there. I will say that you were in no way at fault for him hurting you. No matter what you said or did, nothing could possibly make you 'deserve' to be hurt. You understand that, am I right?"

She looked down at her pre-cut chicken breast and nodded sadly, but then looked up through her lashes at me, "You really do care about me, don't you?"

"Don't you ever doubt that, Bella. I l- … like you very much." Shit, that's like the zillionth time I almost slipped. "Now your mangy cat on the other hand..." I looked at the one-eyed monster Bella lovingly refers to as "Cyclops" and scowled playfully to lighten the mood.

She huffed and smacked my arm in a fake show of anger. "Now don't you go off on my cat again. He's a sweetheart. He's just misunderstood."

"A likely story." In reality the cat has become Bella's closest bodyguard so for that I'm grateful. What I don't exactly like is that more often than not he's "protecting" Bella from me. If I so much as lay a finger on her in his presence the beast will scratch the living hell out of me.

She finished her meal quietly while I cleaned up the kitchen. I really need to watch my slip ups like that near miss. I'm fairly certain she didn't hear me whisper "I love you" when she was in the hospital but ever since then the words seem to want to roll off my tongue all the time. Ever since that kiss I've been thinking of those beautiful, delicious lips. Of course I royally screwed that up when I freaking hurt her. I know I don't deserve an angel like Bella but I can't help what my heart feels.

God I sound like a chick. Alice would laugh her ass off at me right now... if I was talking to her that is. I haven't called her in forever and I've been ignoring her calls. I just can't deal with her right now.

As for Bella, when I saw her in the hospital, all fragile and vulnerable, my heart broke in two. I knew then it was no longer a matter of "falling" I had plummeted head first in to love. I was so lost without her smile and those shining chocolate orbs I would've given my left foot to spare her a moment of pain.

Now I'm just caught in between loving her and wanting to do the right thing. What that is exactly I'm not quite sure. I know as a psychiatrist that neither of us are probably in the right frame of mind to start a relationship, but at the same time I know in my heart that I can't stay away from her for much longer. We both have sordid pasts and issues to deal with, her much more so than I but that doesn't mean I'm any less fucked up. I keep thinking, maybe I can convince her to go into therapy, and maybe I should talk to someone as well, and in time we could both be ready to start something.

Meanwhile my body wants her like... yesterday. Since we've been home together non stop the last two weeks I see her in various states of undress pretty much every day. I can't tell you how many times I've had to grab on to a doorway or a piece of furniture to keep from jumping her bones when she walks by in a sports bra and tiny little pajama shorts, with her hair all swept up and … ugh. I'm just making myself hard thinking about her.

She's of course oblivious to just how sexy and beautiful she is. If it was any other woman I'd think she was torturing me on purpose but with Bella I honestly think she has no clue. Once she walked by in a skimpy pajama outfit, tripped over thin air and landed face first into my lap. She then looked up at me through her lashes, cheeks alight with a fiery blush and her mouth only inches from my pulsing cock. It could've been a letter to Playboy it was so hot, but then she scrambled off my lap, laughing nervously at her clumsiness and went on her way like nothing happened. If it's even possible I think I used up all the cold water in the shower I took after that little incident.

Bella broke me away from my reverie when she brought her plate to the sink. "I'm washing my own damn plate, Edward so don't even try it." She may have sounded mad but I could see the corners of her mouth turning up. "And I'm walking myself upstairs so...there!" She lightly smacked my chest and I wondered briefly if she could tell how fast my heart was racing just from her nearness.

This woman is seriously going to be the death of me.

–

Later that night as I was settling down with a good book I thought I heard a noise coming from Bella's room across the hall. I know she hates asking for help but if she's hurting I want to know. At the very least I can bring her some Tylenol.

I decided I'd at least go check on her. As I got out into the hallway the noises became full on moans. Something is wrong. Maybe another nightmare. Every once in while I hear her crying out in her sleep. Things like "Stop James, No!" would drive a steak through my heart. But this wasn't her usual noises. She wasn't talking like she normally did in her sleep, but rather groaning. By the time I reached her door I heard Bella say something that got my immediate attention.

"Edward!"

Without thinking I barreled into her room, ready to save her from what pain, real or imaginary, she may be suffering. What I wasn't prepared for was the sight that greeted me.

A flush faced Bell lay naked on her bed above the covers. Her head against her propped up pillow, hair fanning out around her glowing face. My eyes trailed down her gloriously nude body, taking in each curve, the lovely pink hue of her hardened nipples, down to the dark curls nestled between her widely spread legs. Her left hand still digging into the bedspread while her right firm grasped what appeared to be some kind of vibrator, still buzzing softly against her pink, swollen bundle of nerves.

For a moment time stopped. I just stared into her frozen wide eyes, still dark with lust as I took in her panting form. Then just as quickly, time began to lurch forward, the shock finally wearing off. Her already pink cheeks turned impossibly red, even purple maybe. The vibrator was dropped as she fumbled with turning it off. It rolled along the carpeted floor and stopped a mere two feet from where I was standing. It wasn't until she started clutching the bedsheets around her to cover her nudity that I was able to move again.

"Stop, Bella." My voice sounded foreign to my ears. So much calmer than I actually felt and tinged heavily with lust. Like she was suddenly put into a trance she halted her movements completely, still staring at me with wide eyes. Fear and maybe just a little bit of excitement were the main emotions shining in those melted chocolate orbs.

I know I should leave, should walk away, take a cold shower and pretend like this never happen. I know that and yet I can feel myself slowly moving forward. My control is lost, some kind of animalistic need to touch her fills my being. I can't stay away a moment longer.

The toe of my shoe nudged the forgotten, and still buzzing vibrator and I reached down to pick it up. The scent of Bella's heady arousal making me impossibly harder, having already been hard as stone since I walked in the room. It was all I could not to instantly rip off my pajama pants and take her right then.

"Do you have any idea how incredibly beautiful you are, Bella?" She just continued to stare, apparently unable to talk or move, still entranced. "Where you just thinking of me while you were pleasuring yourself?" I think she made a minute nod. It's not like she could lie, I had the proof in my hand.

"Would you like some... assistance finishing your task?" Her eyes grew even wider and I saw her panting increase. Her hand, most likely without her realizing it, slowly inched it's way back to her slick folds. Almost shaking from pure arousal I moved closer still.

"I know how you hate asking for... help... but this really does seem like something I'd be better suited to … perform... than this...," I gestured to the buzzing massager in my hand, "toy."

Finally I reached the bed and tentatively I touched my finger tips to her bare leg. Her creamy white skin feeling as smooth and silky as it looked was slick with a light sheen of sweat. She moaned my name in response so I took that as a confirmation that she was on the same page as me.

"Now with your ribs still healing, we'll have to wait for any kind of rigorous activity." Trailing my finger up her inner thigh finally stopping at her pink swollen center, I smirked when she gasped softly in response. "But that doesn't mean I can't assist with your.. needs."

Entering her slowly with two fingers I watched her eyelids close halfway, her moans filled the room. "Now I'm curious," I pondered as I began pumping my fingers in and out of her core. "Which is preferable?" Taking the vibrator with my other hand I grazed her clit with the round, rapidly moving head. She screamed out in pleasure and I felt her inner muscles clutch my fingers. She's so close.

"Do you prefer the machine?" Again I quickly ran the vibrator over her clit and pulled it back, not letting her reach orgasm quite yet. "Or my hand?" I curled my fingers and sped my movements, her load moan making me nearly come right then. But then I stopped, pulling my fingers out. Her whine of frustration almost as adorable as the pouty look she was giving me.

"Or my mouth?" With that I leaned forward, hungrily attacking her sweet center.

"Oh my God, Edward! Please.."

I stopped for a moment and looked into her eyes. "What, Bella, tell me what you want?" My eyes telling her I meant more than just pleasuring her. I needed to know if she wants more.

"Please Edward," gasping for air she responded, "I just want you … whatever you'll give me. Just you." My heart warmed at the sound of her words and I know I must have been grinning like an idiot but I didn't care. I dipped my head again, this time wrapping my lips around her clit and sucking hard just as I pushed two fingers into her to the knuckles. The ache of my swollen cock almost unbearable at that point I started rubbing against the bed to find any sort of relief.

I continued sucking on her clit and thrusting my fingers into her as deep and hard as I could. Abandoning the vibrator all together, I used my now free hand to pinch and squeeze her previously forgotten nipples, alternating between the two.

"Edward, Fuck, so good... Ugh!" I sped my motions and took her clit between my teeth biting gently causing her to explode around my fingers. The feeling of her inner muscles spasming and the rush of orgasmic juices on my tongue set off my own release as I thrust frantically against the bed, my moans into her center causing her aftershocks of pleasure.

Finally I licked her clean and after using my hand to wipe my chin I trailed kisses up her stomach and chest until I was hovering over her, careful not to let any of my weight touch her injured ribs. She smiled lazily up at me, hair matted down with sweat, eyes heavy with fatigue. She looked thoroughly sated and I could not be more pleased.

"It's time for sleep, love." I smiled and moved over to lay next to her on my side facing her gorgeous body. She rolled over slowly, careful not to cause more injury to her tender ribs.

"Wouldn't you like me to return the favor?" However tired she looked, she was still grinning and eager to please. I need to assure her that's not why I did this. She's always been the one to help everyone else, even jerks like James that don't deserve her. It's time someone worshiped her with no expectations.

"No, love. As much as I would happily enjoy any touch you may grant me, you don't have to worry about me, I'm more than satisfied. But there is one thing you can do for me."

"Anything, Edward." She looked into my eyes, her expression suddenly serious and I knew she meant that with her whole heart.

"It's obvious there's something between us and it's not just sexual. I don't want to mess this up and even though I probably rushed things a bit just now, I won't ever regret a moment I get to be in your presence touching you. I know we both have our baggage and we certainly haven't started off in a traditional way, but I'd really like to try to do this right. I want a real relationship, Bella, not just roommates that occasionally hook up. I know we have hurdles we have to deal with but honestly I'd do anything if it meant I could be with you. Let's try this, let me take you on a real date." The second my little speech came to a close her lips were on mine and I was lost to total bliss. Too quickly she pulled away smiling and radiating joy.

"Yes Edward. Yes to everything and yes I would love to go on a date." I think the house could burn down and I'd still be lying there grinning at that moment. "Can you do something for me though?" She looked nervous and it was absolutely adorable. How can she think I'd refuse her anything? "Will you sleep in here with me tonight and just.. hold me?"

Instantly but with a great deal of caution regarding her injuries I wrapped my arms around her, bringing her head to rest on my chest. "Nothing could possibly tear me from this bed, Bella. You're stuck with me now."

"Good," was her only response before we both drifted off to sleep.

–

**So? Seriously – my first ever lemon people! Okay so not a full official lemon since they haven't rounded home yet but third base is close enough, right? Did you like it? Any thoughts – about anything? **

**Review this pretty pretty please!**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Sorry guys for taking a while to post again... still working out what's practical for a posting schedule. The good news is I think I've figured out after some trial and error that Wednesdays and Saturdays are my best days for posting. If I can post more often I will but at least it gives you some kind of schedule to go by.**

**Enough rambling... on with the story...**

**And I don't own Twilight but ****you**** will own my eternal gratitude if you review this chapter :)**

Ch 11

EPOV

"Edward..."

No, don't wake me up. I'm having the most fantastic dream. Bella's arms are surrounding me, I'm in her bed and feeling happy and completely content. Only the harsh reality of day could ruin this moment.

"Edward... wake up!"

Whoever that is needs to stop. I'm enjoying my dream far too much to move. Maybe if I just roll over it will go away. Mmm... comfy pillows.

"Ooof! Edwaaaard... can't breathe!"

Wait a minute... why is my pillow talking? The better question is probably why my pillow is trying to roll me in the other direction. Okay now I'm kinda scared to open my eyes.

"MOTHERF..." that was my response to getting bit on the shoulder – hard. Now my pillow is biting me!

Okay... not a pillow.

"Bella!" I managed to gasp out in shock as I quickly scrambled off her and to the other side of the bed. Rrality and memories from last night starting flooding my mind. I'd just now been on top of her, crushing her poor delicate frame into the mattress. No wonder she bit me – I deserved worse. Oh shit – her ribs!

"Are you okay? Crap – I hurt you!" She never responds how I would expect. Instead of a teary eyed damsel in distress I was greeted to an outstandingly gorgeous, flush faced Bella who is currently laughing her ass off at me.

"I've heard of 'heavy sleepers' but that was ridiculous!" She thought it was hilarious that I'd injured her further? What is with this girl? But I have to admit that laugh is a beautiful sound.

"Well at least I don't go around biting people. What are you a vampire now?"

She suddenly turned serious and I was afraid maybe I'd upset her until she finally spoke.

"I vant to dreenk your blooood!" and with that she attacked me, jumping up arms raised above her head, fingers curled like talons. Finally she was straddling my waist and sucking hungrily at my neck. When she shifted her hips back to brush over my morning wood I couldn't help but let out an embarrassingly loud groan.

"Looks like someone's happy to see me." She smiled down at me and I couldn't help but be lost in her deep chocolate eyes. All it would take is a small motion to be inside her, but I don't want to rush this. I can't have her thinking I only want her for sex. Not to mention, her ribs are still on the mend and probably suffered a bit of a setback after me crushing her in our sleep.

I lifted her off me as gracefully as possible and set her back down on the bed. "I'm always happy to see you, love. We have to be careful though. I don't want you injured any further."

She pouted her pillowy soft bottom lip and batted her eyes, obviously hamming it up big time. I could never deny that sweet, if not overly exaggerated face so I smirked in return.

"That's not to say we can't do... anything." I'd been waiting to attack her mouth since I first awoke. Last night we'd barely kissed, in our animalistic passion it had been all but forgotten. I would not make that same mistake twice. As we kissed our hands wandered and groped, learning each other's favorite spots and just loving the exploration of our co-mingled bodies.

"Wake up Bell – HOLY CRAP!"

Our eyes shot to the now open doorway to find a stunned Emmett frozen in place with his jaw on the floor. If that wasn't bad enough, as we scrambled to pull the blanket up to cover our nakedness from his sight, in walked in little Sam and Embry.

"Daddy, you said a bad word. We're telling Mama!" Sam shouted as he barreled in along with his brother. Before they could take in the scene, Emmett seemed to snap back to life, hurriedly covering both sets of eyes. Then Emmett backed slowly away, leading his now hand-blindfolded kids along the way. 

"Come on kids... Aunt Bella's... uh... busy right now. She's going to come downstairs in a minute along with her friend Edward and we're going to have a _nice talk_." He all but growled out the last words, sending me a death glare before slamming the door shut.

"I'm dead aren't I?" No way Emmett will let me live after walking on us like that. Hell if I walked in on Alice...ugh I can't even go there.

"Nah... he'll just knock you around a bit."

When my face paled in response she started laughing. "Oh you think that's funny do you?" Tickling her uninjured ribs and under her knee, I couldn't help but be distracted by her adorable laugh and the panting out of my name. Well I was distracted until I heard Emmett's booming voice from downstairs.

"Don't make me come back up there!" For some reason I felt like a school boy being scolded. I guess it's the "father" thing. They must get certified in lecture-giving while the mom's going through labor.

I gritted my teeth and refrained from any snarky come back. This man could do serious damage if if so wished. My saving grace right now might be the fact that his children are present and wouldn't want them returning home bathed in my blood.

"Come on loverboy, let's get this over with. All he'll do is give you the stink eye and the oh-so-famous 'you hurt her I hurt you' speech. I get to be teased mercilessly for eons... a far worse fate, let me tell ya." Bella grabbed my hand and pulled me out of bed where we hurriedly got dressed. I had to duck through the bathroom and into my room or else I'd be heading downstairs in last night's pj pants with a very obvious stain. No, somehow I think that would be a bad idea.

After a few minutes I returned and met Bella so we could walk down together in a united front. If anything I'm glad Emmett knows before he leaves for New York. He should know that I care very much for his sister, as much more than just a roommate, and that I would do anything for her. Of course I would have rather just told him, preferably in a large crowded place with lots of witnesses, but he managed to back out of the room instead of immediately going for my throat, so that must be a good sign.

"Hi Aunt Bella!" was shouted out in chorus from Sam and Embry, all bright and happily unaware of our nervous state.

"Hey kiddos, why don't you go play in the backyard for a few minutes, we'll be right out." Crap, there goes that line of defense. Bella what are you thinking? As if she could read my thoughts she smiled up at me and squeezed my hand. "Believe me, it's better if we just get this over with now."

Emmett took on a stern expression as soon as the kids closed the door behind them. Leaning back against the kitchen counter he began his interrogation. "So Bells, got something to tell me?"

I felt her hand squeeze mind as she squared her shoulders and lifted her chin to look her brother in the eyes. "Yes Em, it seems I'm in need of a lock on my door." Her grin was a mile wide. Gotta say, she's hot when she's snarky. "And I have a really nosy brother with bad timing."

"Har har." He didn't flinch at her retorts but turned his glare to me instead. Great.

"Edward, what are your intentions for my sister." Okay, standard big brother / father question. I can handle this.

"I … care for her very much and respect her completely. I plan on spending as much time as she'll allow me making her as happy as I possibly can." The room grew silent as I noticed both Emmett and Bella looking a bit stupefied. Bella's eyes were alight with joy and for just a moment I saw what appeared to be a look of pride cross Emmett's features, before he returned to his stern protective big brother look.

"Good answer. You should know Cullen, I may be leaving the state but I will be down here in a New York minute to rip you to shreds if you ever hurt her in any way. They'll be finding pieces for weeks." I just nodded in response. A bit of anger flared up thinking about James and wondering why Emmett hadn't extended the same threat to him. I let myself calm down though when I realized that until recently Emmett had no idea just how bad the James situation had been.

"And Bells, we'll have our birds and bees talk later." She just rolled her eyes. I know she'll be in a world of torture once I'm out of the room. I wonder if having Rosalie around might help reign in her slightly crude and imposing husband. On the same note, hopefully our farewell dinner tomorrow night will go smoothly. I'm honestly more afraid of the leggy blonde than of the tough would-be-wrestler standing in front of me. Somehow his dimpled smile and gentle ribbing of his sister seems less scary than the ice queen known as Rosalie.

–

We sat around the table having just finished our final meal with Emmett and company before they depart early the next morning. The bittersweet evening was lightened by Emmett's jovial mood, unfortunately his mirth was directed at Bella and my fledgling relationship. Rosalie kept up with her obligatory smacks to his head whenever his comments became too out of line, however I couldn't help but notice the mama bear glare she shot in my direction most of the evening. I have a feeling once the kids are out of the room I'll be getting an earful. I figured flattery might help assuage her ire if only a little.

"Thank you Rosalie. Dinner was delicious. I know I'll be missing your cooking while you're up north."

She took on an almost sinister smile to go along with her icy stare. This can't be good.

"Are you insinuating that Bella's abilities in the kitchen are in someway lacking or just that you yourself or incapable of providing her with a decent meal?"

Lovely woman, really. Fortunately growing up with Alice I'm not unaccustomed to biting commentary.

"Au contraire, I merely am acknowledging your particular culinary prowess. As Bella's been healing I've been taking over our household kitchen duties and I believe my abilities to be fair at least." Bella opened her mouth, probably to suggest that my cooking had merit but I didn't let her break in. This was between me and the ice queen. "And if Bella's cooking skills are on par with her intelligence, beauty and wit I'd imagine a meal she prepared would be beyond sublime.

"I would be remiss however if I did not mention that your friendly banter will also be missed at the dinner table," I continued. "Emmett is surely a lucky man." I ended with a warm smile because honestly, as protective mama bears go, Rosalie is a very caring and loving woman. If she didn't bust my balls for dating her sister-in-law I'd be worried. Hopefully in time we'll get along better but for now I'll take her icy glares with ease.

"Ain't that the truth!" Emmett glowed as he wrapped his arm around his wife's shoulders, hopelessly unaware of the subtext of our conversation.

"Em honey, why don't you give the boys their bath and get them ready for bed. Bella, would you mind giving him some help? I'd like to chat with Edward for a minute." That comment didn't go unnoticed, as Emmett's eyes darted from mine to his wife's, taking on a worried look.

"Uh, sure sugar foot," now he's hamming up the southern accent. Not sure what that's all about. "Bells can you help out with the ch'r'n?"

Even Bella was giving Emmett an odd look at that point, nodding and following him up the stairs with the boys begrudgingly heading to their bath. "We'll all come back down when they're done so the boys can say goodnight," Emmett shouted down from the stairs, probably as a warning to his wife to keep the blood loss to a minimum.

Rosalie began clearing the table and I did what I could to assist. Once we started on dish washing with me in charge of loading the machine after her rinsing, she started with her own brand of interrogation.

"Edward, why did you move to the south?" Crap, that's not the question I was expecting.

"I needed a change from life in Chicago and then received the job offer a Bon Secours." I knew that didn't totally answer her question but I really didn't want to dwell on this topic. She obviously sensed this and pressed the issue.

"Yes, but why now? And why Virginia of all places. Surely you could've found work in New York or LA, some other major city."

"Part of the reason I left Chicago was to get away from a major metropolitan area. I grew up in the city and found it lacking in the kind of tranquility one might find in a smaller city. At the same time I didn't want to move to utter Bumfuck nowheresville either. I like the idea of having a happy medium."

"Surely Richmond wasn't top of your list. Was it perhaps a rush decision to move?"

I do not like where this is going. The sad truth is that a quick google search of my name would bring up my whole sordid departure from the city of my birth. She knows and she wants more information.

"I have my reasons but I assure you, but you should know that now I'm here and especially now that I've met Bella I'm not going anywhere." She nodded in response, understanding now that I'm done discussing my past.

"You love her, I have no doubt about that, Edward." My jaw dropped at that statement. "I know you think I'm against you but really I'm not. You both could be good for one another. Bella has a past that haunts her still. Perhaps you understand this better than most?"

I only nodded in response.

"So maybe now that she's opened up her past to you, it's time to take off the shrink hat and be human. She needs to know." This was not a suggestion, it was a demand. "And maybe she started off as a way to redeem yourself but I hope you see her for the beautiful woman she is and not as a patient or a damsel in distress. Maybe together you two can let go of your past and embrace the future."

Stunned speechless and utterly bewildered by this woman I just stood there with wide eyes. She knows everything but she's still giving her blessing.

"Oh and if you do ever feel like your 'running away from home phase' is over and you decide to run back to Chicago and leave a crushed Bella behind... I will crush you with my bare hands and let Emmett pulverize whatever is left."

I swallowed thickly as she smiled and left for the living room. Over her shoulder she called out one more thing. "I really hope you turn out to be the real deal, Edward, because if you are I'll be happy one day to call you brother."

–

After teary heartfelt goodbye hugs and warning glares we were in the car headed home. Bella was obviously sad that her brother was leaving but overall I think she was taking it pretty well. I'd like to think I had something to do with that, or at least I hope so. Meanwhile, I wasn't lying to Emmett. I have every intention of making Bella as happy as humanly possible.

"Once they get settled in we can head up to visit them one weekend, maybe I can even take a day or two off and we can make a long weekend trip. It's been years since I've been to New York and I imagine you'd be quite the tour guide."

Her lovely laugh rang out through the cab of her truck which I'd reluctantly let her drive. "Yeah, I can show you where all the best underground parties happen. Something your average tour guide would probably do."

Suddenly my lightened mood shifted as my phone began to ring for the third time that night. I know it's Alice and I've been avoiding her like the plague.

"Are you ever going to answer your phone or do you just carry it around for aesthetic purposes?"

"It's my sister. I'll call her back when we get to the house." Hoping to end it there, but Bella was persistent. What's with these persistent women tonight? We were pulling in to park in the driveway as she spoke.

"You don't fool me for one minute. I haven't seen you answer your phone once since I've known you and it rings constantly. When was the last time you actually talked to -?"

Before she could finish her sentence we were interrupted by a loud banging on the driver side window. I shifted forward and looked around Bella to see a very angry pixie shooting daggers at me through the glass. Bella looked at me with her brows furrowed and I answered her silent question with one word.

"Alice."

–

**AN: I want to thank all of you who have taken the time to review this story so far! You are the wind beneath my wings (*tearful sob*) … no really, thanks :)**

**And to those who have added this story as a favorite or as a story alert – you rock too – and you'll rock even more once you click that blue "Review this Chapter" link below... c'mon – you know you wanna!**

**Everybody remember, I'm writing this as I go along so any plot suggestions will be taken under advisement. Part of what I love about fan fiction is the interactive nature of it. If you want to see James get his ass kicked or if you just want more lemons... let me know! I'll do my best to make it happen.**


	12. Chapter 12

**AN – I'd hoped to get this out before today but hey, at least it's a longer chapter than usual! I want to thank ****all****my reviewers... you do indeed rock. A special 'thanks for your feedback' to cullengirl08 and lurock35. I'm going to do what I can to make sure your suggestions get fulfilled. Plus, thank you PatchsFallenAngel for your continued support :)**

**I don't own Twilight but then again, who can own a time of day? **

Ch 12

BPOV

"Alice?"

Edward has gone pale and suddenly looks like he's going to hurl. But isn't Alice his sister? She certainly looked harmless enough, barely five feet tall and elfish with her short spiky black hair and fine features. She looked more likely to sport a wand and grant wishes than to harbor ill will.

I opened the car door and Edward came out as well. In a flash he was beside me and it seemed like he was trying to keep Alice and I apart. What is he so embarrassed of me he doesn't want me to meet his family?

Suddenly her chirpy sing-song voice broke through my thoughts. "Edward, what the hell! I've been trying to reach you for weeks. You didn't even let any of know you'd made it to Richmond safely. For all we knew you could've been in a ditch somewhere in Indiana!" Wait... he hasn't ever called his family since he arrived? I couldn't resist feeling irrationally angry at him for this. Even if he's not getting along with them they're still his family! If my parents were still around...

"Alice, I'm sorry. I've been busy. I met Bella here and -" WHAT?

"Don't you try to pin this on me! Somehow I don't recall locking you in the basement and denying you phone privileges." At this point I don't know if I'm more pissed about him not calling his family or blaming me for it. "I never asked for a babysitter and hmm... what were we just talking about ten minutes ago? Oh yeah, me urging you to talk to your sister!"

"I'm sorry, love. You're right, I should've called. I just... there's things in my past that are... complicated."

"HA! Complicated, Edward? Really! You think I don't understand what it's like having baggage? I have more baggage than Paris freaking Hilton!"

Alice finally broke in by giggling. Really? Giggling?

"You two are so adorable! Edward, I get it. You wanted to move forward without having to think about … what happened... and Mom, Dad, and I remind you of that. Then you've got Bella here who by the way I love." She looked at me then. "I have a hunch we're going to get along well, girlie."

Wait... _what happened_? What was she talking about? Edward had just made it seem like he was looking for a change from big city life. When he said "complicated" I figured he was just being overly dramatic about overbearing parents or something like that.

Edward's eyes shot to mine and he knew I heard Alice. His grew wide with fear as mind narrowed in frustration and curiosity. Somehow Alice seemed to pick up on this so she spoke up again.

"Did you not tell her, you dope?"

"Why don't we take this conversation inside, I'm sure the neighbors aren't eager to hear all this and Bella might be tired." I seriously wanted to smack him for saying that but he was unfortunately correct. Walking is okay but standing for long periods can cause my joints to swell and be really painful. Couldn't help huffing and stomping past him anyway. I made it to the door first and unlocked it. When I held the door for Alice she arched an eyebrow at me. Of course, she had no idea I'd moved in with Edward. That made me think... where's she going to sleep? He only had one "guest room" which was currently my abode. I suppose we could give her Edward's bed and he could sleep... on the couch. No freaking way he's getting nooky tonight.

Once everyone was settled on the couch and chair, and I made sure to sit as far from Edward as possible, Edward began telling his "complicated" story.

"In Chicago I had a patient, Jane, a young girl in her late teens. She developed something of an amorous obsession..."

"Cut the shrink talk, brother, she had a crush on you."

My gasp was barely audible but Edward heard it. He didn't? No, he couldn't possibly... could he?

"NO! It's not what you think. I would never take advantage of a patient like that or a girl of her age for that matter. When she informed me of her 'crush,'" he looked at Alice pointedly, "I handled the matter professionally and tried my best to soften the blow, but that only seemed to make it worse. Sometimes I wonder, I'd only been more harsh in the beginning..."

"Edward, what happened?" If he didn't, take her up on the offer, than what could have happened that was so horrible he left his whole life behind and moved halfway across the country?

He stood and began pacing, tugging at his hair anxiously. "She wasn't convinced. When I 'softened the blow' I told her she was a lovely young girl and would someday find the right boy for her. She took this the wrong way of course. So no matter what I said after that she only got worse."

"Are we talking boiled rabbits?"

Now Alice joined in on the tale. "She came by the house a few times, always visited when Edward was working. I had no idea she was his patient, plus she said her name was Heidi so telling Edward about her didn't raise any flags. I probably should have figured it out." She was sadly looking down at her hands.

"It's not your fault, Alice, you'd couldn't have known," Edward responded, putting his hand on her shoulder. She settled her hand on his.

"You mean just like it's not yours?" was her retort. Edward just shook his head in frustration and resumed his pacing. Alice returned to her story.

"So yeah, she would come by saying she lived in the neighborhood and needed to borrow a cup of sugar, that kind of thing. We became friends, well as close as a woman in her early 30's can be friends with a teenager. Sometimes the subject of Edward would come up, she was always very curious. One time I found her in his room."

"She stole my favorite shirt."

"Shush Edward, I'm telling this part! Anyway, I saw her trying to steal his shirt and called her on it. She claimed she was cold but it was a warm day. Whatever, I fell for it at the time because she seemed really sweet. I never saw her again after that."

"Now can I finish?" As horrible as this story sounded, it was amusing watching Alice and Edward's exchange. You could see that even when they were irritated their was an unconditional bond between them. It made me smile internally to know that Edward had Alice like I have my Emmett. Quickly I returned my attention before I could dwell on the fact that I'd just seen Emmett for the last time in a while.

"So the next day at work I came in early, before my receptionist. It was my own practice, so just Gianna and me worked there. You can imagine my surprise then when I saw the door was unlocked. I walked in find Jane on my desk wearing nothing but my shirt."

Holy crap!

"I had to be blunt at that point. It was obvious the nice approach hadn't worked. She became enraged... throwing things, screaming. By this point, other patients were in the waiting area and Gianna had arrived. She decided to do what she could to ruin my career as retribution. Running out in her semi-nude state, crying about how I'd taken advantage of her."

"Oh Edward! But obviously she wasn't successful, I mean not totally. The authorities must have known she wasn't really telling the truth. You still have your license and everything."

"She never got as far as suing me. I suppose I have that to be thankful for but I'm not sure I really feel that grateful due to the cost."

Cost? What he paid her off?

"The cost of Jane's life," he replied in response to my quizzical look. Of course this only made me more confused. "Later the same day, after the 'shirt fiasco' she returned to my office... with a gun."

No! Now I'm standing, walking over to Edward as if to look for bullet wounds.

"She started waiving it around at Gianna and the other patients. I was able to calm her enough to meet with me for an 'emergency session' as I called it. In reality I just wanted to separate her so she'd do less harm. After a while she began to calm down and looked – resigned. At that point I asked her to hand over the gun. She lifted it, and before I could realize what was she was doing she put it to her temple and pressed the trigger."

I looked into Edward's eyes and they were full of fear and regret. How could he possibly feel guilty? She was just a sick young girl. You can't save everybody. A chill ran through me as I began to make sense of all of this ... the cliff's edge... him asking me to move in... even the 'relationship' he was talking about. It's all stemming from this guilt. He couldn't return Jane's feelings so he couldn't save her, but he can make up for it with me. I'm his penance.

Of course! It would never make sense for him to be with me otherwise. Why would a gorgeous doctor give a rat's tail about a poor sickly plain-looking girl. Just like James wanted me to control me, Edward wants me his own personal reasons, none of which have anything to do with actually caring for me.

_No Bella, don't think that – you felt that connection with him. Last night he said and did so many nice things._

But so did James in the beginning. No one is better at sweet talking than him.

The room started spinning and I think I heard someone yell my name before the darkness took me.

–

A buzzing noise wakes me. A text message alert on my phone. I look around and see I'm in my room but I don't remember how I got here.

So I reached for the phone on my bedside table. It's Garrett. God it's been forever since he's called.

_What's up buttercup?_

Flirty bastard. Ah well, I still love him. He is my best friend after all, even if he's a huge dork. I decided to call him rather than text. I miss his voice.

"Isabella Swan!" He answers like that every time I call. Thankfully it's the only time he uses my full name. I thoroughly despise being called Isabella.

"Garrett Myers!" I responded with as much enthusiasm. He's so silly I can't help but be amused by his antics. "How are you stranger?"

"Ah Bella, you know how it is. The old ball in chain keeps me busy." In the background I could hear a shout.

"You better watch out Garrett, it doesn't sound like Kate's too thrilled with your 'endearment.'"

"Don't worry about her... I keep my woman sat-is-fied. She's a happy camper." Now I could hear laughing coming from Kate. I couldn't help but join in. One of my favorite past times is laughing at Garrett.

"Sure ya do, Garrett. So what's going on up in the big apple?"

"We just got back from the Sun Festival." I shivered at the sound of that name. The Sun Festival was an annual musical gathering in upstate New York, managed and organized by the oh-so-famous James. That would explain why the cops couldn't find him. He was probably hiding out on his friend's land where the festival takes place.

"Oh, how was that?" I tried to seem nonchalant. Garrett never knew the whole story about James and thus is still on relatively friendly terms with him. Not like they're buddies or anything, but he wouldn't think about missing an event organized by James. I don't blame him. James is a big time organizer in the party scene. It's pretty much impossible to avoid him if you're a partygoer.

"Crazy drama … James never showed! He's been MIA for a couple weeks. Rumor has it the cops are trying to bust him for being some kind of drug king pin." Great, to the scenesters this is a sympathetic plight. Everyone has some kind of involvement in drugs whether it's using or selling, so when someone gets caught there's this 'poor guy' sentiment in the crowd, like the person contracted an illness or is down on his luck. However there is also a lot of fear and paranoia among the party people. They'll feel sorry for him but they'll also avoid him like a pariah. So that is somewhat comforting.

"What happened with the festival then, if he wasn't there?"

"It was a total disaster! The main sound system was shut down due to noise complaints, since James wasn't there to charm the neighbors. It ended up being just a boom box and CD's. All the live acts they flew in were just stuck there doing nothing. Most people left after the first night."

I couldn't suppress my grin at James' failure. "Oh that's too bad." I didn't even try to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.

"Yeah I know – not a big James fan. Well, you'll be happy to know then that everyone is majorly pissed at him. The guys managing the festival had to give away all the food for free to stop folks from rioting. Even with that most of the deco was destroyed." Good... he lost money and took a major hit to his reputation. Sweet.

"And Victoria... I can talk to you about her right? You're not going to get all crazy jealous?" HA! If I feel anything for that girl it's pity.

"It's fine, Garrett – what happened to Vicky?" Victoria and I had been friends at one point. I'm fairly certain he only chose to screw around with her to get back at me.

"She's moved back to Philadelphia with Angela and Ben. I saw her at the festival and everyone was of course asking her about James. After like the fiftieth person asked she went ballistic! She's actually the one responsible for most of the deco getting trashed.. and part of the sound system. We couldn't make out half of what she was screaming but what I could hear was just a bunch of slams on James. She's not a happy camper. Whatever's happened to him, it's not good. After Suck Fest, as people are now calling it, he might not want to show his face again."

"Really? That bad?" That's saying a lot... surely one flub wouldn't cause his fall from grace. He's the king of the party scene.

"It was pretty bad. Angela, Ben, Mike, Tyler, and those guys from his production crew... they are really pissed. They said they had enough of his bullshit and that he's been acting sketchy for a while now. We'll see."

"Yeah, I guess we will." I could feel a happy glow knowing James might have lost his 'crown' among our friends. The friends that abandoned me when he told them lies about me. I had been pissed about that but now I know how petty those people must be. At least it looks like karma is rearing it's head for James. Now the cops just need to track him down so he can't hurt me anymore. That made me think of something.

"Garrett, would you do me a favor? Would you give me a heads up if you hear word about where James might be." I realized that must sound strange so I covered my tracks. "I have some CD's of his that ended up in my stuff. I want to give them back."

"Okay, sure Bella, anything for my girl."

"Yeah Garrett, keep up that sweet talk. I'm sure Kate enjoys hearing it." I laughed. Kate knew he was a silly flirt and that it was harmless.

"Speaking of the lady, there's something I need to... take care of.." I could hear a moan in the background now... Ew!

"Gross! Get off the phone you freak!"

"Later babe, take care."

"Sure sure, now go before I hurl!"

We hung up and I started thinking more about James, and about the events of the last couple days. I felt numb thinking about that look of guilt in Edward's eyes. Did he really have feelings for me or is 'putting up with me' as James used to say all apart of Edward's punishment for what happened with Jane?

My mind is telling me to distance myself but my heart is breaking at the thought. Maybe I can just pretend he cares?

Suddenly a piano's keys broke my train of thought. Edward must be playing. I've never heard him play before. I decided to sneak downstairs without him knowing so I can hear better.

As I reached the end of the stairwell I could clearly hear him beginning to sing on the other side of the wall. If I moved even a few inches he'd be able to see me. There was no sight of Alice in the living room. She must have gone out for a while or is in Edward's room.

I recognize the song he's playing. It's a Ben Folds song, called "The Luckiest". His fingers danced across the keys beautifully and it was impossible not to hear the depth of emotion in his velvet voice.

_ And where was I before the day  
That I first saw your lovely face?  
Now I see it everyday  
And I know_

_That I am  
I am  
I am  
The luckiest _

My heart swelled at the sound of the lyrics. The notes, full of sweetness and longing, drew me closer to him. This is not the song of a man who's just using a girl for his own guilt. There's no cocky smirk, no facade here. His emotions are raw and reaching out for me.

I walked softly behind him, he was still unaware of my presence. As he continued the song I saw his head hanging forward slightly, his eyes are closed and there's a sense of utter peace in his features.

_ I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you _

With that I couldn't resist the draw a moment longer. I moved forward, sitting next to Edward. When he first saw me he jumped slightly but kept playing as I joined in on the final chorus.

_ … I know_

_ That I am  
I am  
I am  
The luckiest _

We sat silently staring for a moment and I felt like I was seeing Edward's soul. Much like he'd walked in on me, finding me naked. I'd found him naked but instead of an absence of clothes, it was an absence of the constant wall he held up.

"Bella." He whispered, silently begging me with his eyes to understand the sentiment of his song. He shook a bit, like he desperately wanted to reach out to me and was actively trying to hold himself back.

My hand moved softly to his face, cupping his cheek. His eyes closed and he leaned into my touch. There's no going back now. He may hurt me but somewhere in my heart I know that's not going to happen. I leaned forward until my lips were almost touching his and whispered, "The feeling's mutual."

His lips didn't crash to mine like I'd expected. His kiss was soft and tender, loving. His arms wrapped around me gently, but I felt a surge of energy at all points where our skin connected. My hands moved to entwine in his hair as he deepened the kiss. No dominance was fought by our tongues, only a slow, gentle dance. If I could I'd stay in this moment for the rest of my existence. I've never felt so... complete.

–

**AN: The song, as mentioned was by Ben Folds and called "The Luckiest" you can listen to it by going to www (dot) youtube (dot) com / watch?v=f9bRmuP-kQY**

**Yes I know you want more lemony goodness but a lot needed to happen before I can work in another lemon. Don't worry, next chapter we'll be fast forwarding a bit - Bella will have healed ribs and plenty of energy... that's all I'm saying :)**

**Keep the reviews a-comin'! I need them like Bella needs air after sucking face with Edward for so long. As always, your suggestions are greatly appreciated.  
**


	13. Chapter 13

Ch 13 

**AN: Thanks all for the love / reviews / etc. I hope you like this chapter. It's a teeny bit behind schedule but it's also longer than usual so that's a bonus.**

**I probably won't be able to post on Saturday since I'm traveling this weekend but hopefully I will be able to post on Sunday or Monday at the latest. Have a great holiday!**

**Twilight's not mine, but fun to play with**

EPOV

I could spend eternity like this. My arms wrapped around Bella's delicate frame, my lips moving in harmony with hers. She had just come down and caught me in quite a state. Ever since I first met Bella I felt my hard outer shell begin to crumble.

Being in my profession, I've found it hard to develop relationships of any kind, even friendships. Knowing what I do about how the mind works opens has made it exceedingly difficult to get close to anyone. When I attempt it I soon find the rotten core beneath the beautiful facade and it's quite sickening. Strangely I never feel that way about my patients. For them I'm happy to delve into the depths of their psyche, to find any lurking shadows and shed light on their troubles. However, in a friendly context I wish sometimes I could turn off this gift and just... be. That hasn't happened in the longest time and until Bella I thought it may never happen again.

In truth I've never seen Bella as a patient or as a friend but as some entirely different category which I can't quite describe. With her I am happy to unveil what I she'll reveal to me of her thoughts but at the same time I'm constantly surprised by what I find. The most pleasant of those surprises is that she seems to care for me as I do her.

How do I care for her exactly?

She is the first thing I think of when I wake and the last vision behind my closed lids as I fall asleep. Her eyes, her hair, her lavender and vanilla scent all send my heart racing, but it's her selfless and genuine nature that truly call me to her. When I caught James hurting her I felt like my heart had left my chest and all that was there was and aching empty hole.

Last night, and really up until right now I was certain I'd lost any hope of ever winning Bella's affection. I knew I'd have to tell her about Jane eventually but I'd hoped I could put it off until Bella knew me a little better. If only I was a mind reader and could know what had been going through her mind before her collapse. She looked so frightened, even shivering in fear at the thought of what could have happened. Then her eyes grew wide and she seemed to cower in front of me. Could she possibly think I'd hurt her in some way? Next she took on a cold stare and seemed... resigned... like she was giving up. Was she closing herself off from me? When she finally swayed I caught her quickly in my arms and carried her to her room. I knew she was already exhausted even before Alice's arrival, and I'm sure Jane's story only wore her out more.

I'd been desperate to see her this morning, to make sure she was alright, but Alice convinced me to give her some space. Alice may not be my all-time favorite person right now but I know better than to bet against her. She ran out to pick up some breakfast from the nearby diner since I was in no mood to cook. Since last night and reliving the horrors that had happen to cause my running away I'd been a mess emotionally. Whenever I felt out of sorts I turned to my trusty piano. There's a reason why so many people find art and music therapy a successful form of treatment.

As I stroked the keys I was lost to the melody and the raw feeling those lyrics instilled in me. They may be simple but the feeling behind them was entirely new and, if I'm being honest, terrifying. I've never felt so exposed as I did when I saw Bella's teary eyes when she sat down beside me. Warmth filled my body when she began to sing with me. The look in her eyes, the timbre of her voice, her stunning smile all spoke to me the words I knew neither of us were quite ready to say out loud.

That brings me back to the present, as my hands are rubbing Bella's back and curling into her hair, the need for air became to great so I moved to kissing her neck and nibbling on her ear. Feeling her hands move to my head, scratching my scalp and tangling in my messy hair nearly caused me to come undone.

Sadly our bubble popped at the sound of Alice's high pitched giggles.

"You two are soooo cute! I can't wait to tell Mom and Dad!" With that she skipped off to the kitchen, shouting over her shoulder, "Come quick before breakfast gets cold, lovebirds!"

The blush spreading across Bella's cheeks and neck entranced me while I attempted to will away the evidence of my desire for this beautiful woman in front of me.

"Shall we?" I offered my hand and we followed after my sister. I know we'll need to talk about my past again and I am anxious to hear Bella's thoughts, but for now I'd rather focus on the present and bask in the moment we just shared.

–

Over breakfast Alice regaled us with her encounter at the diner.

"He's the man of my dreams, I just know it." She apparently met some guy and was so convinced he was the love of her life she practically told him that before even introducing herself. What can I say? Alice is a character. I'd offer her my services or just drive her to the nearest mental health facility but the funny thing about Alice is that when she comes up with these wild presumptions the tend to work out. Go figure.

Even so I was having a hard time believing anyone could know that quickly that they were in love. Although, with Bella I did feel very protective of her from the start. No, this is not the same.

Bella was amused by the whole thing. Of course since she doesn't know this is typical for Alice, I'm sure she thinks Alice is exaggerating. If only that were true.

"So you just walked up to him and said 'I've been waiting for you.'? What did he say in response?"

Alice giggled. "He just said 'Sorry ma'am' in the most adorable southern gentleman-type way. Then we had coffee together while I waited for the food to come out. I gave him my number. Ooh.. I hope he calls soon!" She was looking at her phone like she expected it to ring any moment.

What kind of big brother would I be if I didn't pull the protective card here? Not a very good one I'm sure. Of course, I've been lacking in the brother department since all the drama in Chicago went down but I know I need to get past that and move on.

"So what's this guy's name Alice?" I'm totally googling this guy and hopefully he's not wanted for murder in ten states.

"Um..." she set down her phone and looked at her hands, "we kinda skipped over that part." Then she looked up at me innocently and smiled.

"What the hell Alice! You give some dude your number and don't even ask him his name? He could be a freaking serial killer for all you know?"

"Whatever Edward! I may not know his name but I know he's perfect for me. Haven't you ever felt that before? Like no matter what a person does you'll always be enamored." She pointedly looked at me then moved her eyes to Bella and back. She's a smart cookie.

Right then a phone started ringing we all looked at Alice's phone, expecting Mr. What-his-face to be calling but it turned out to be coming from my pocket. I reached for my phone and saw it was my new boss. I walked into the other room so I could take the call in relative quiet.

"Edward Cullen"

"Dr. Cullen, sorry to bother you today. I know you're not scheduled to start until Monday but I have some paperwork I need you to fill out today if possible. Do you think you could swing by my office this morning?"

"Sure, no problem. I'll head over in a few minutes."

"Great, see you then."

I headed back into the kitchen to see Alice and Bella whispering and giggling together like best friends. It made me smile seeing Bella so at ease with my sister. I know Bella hasn't made a lot of friends here in Richmond since she's moved. I hope Alice can stick around for awhile so they can spend some time together. Maybe Alice will help Bella come out of her shell a little more.

"Turns out I need to swing by the hospital to fill out some paperwork. Would you ladies like to come with me? Then afterward we can go out somewhere fun." Alice immediately lit up but Bella seemed hesitant.

"Oh yay! I was just telling Bella how we need to check out that cool outdoor mall down the street. Once we finish with your errand we can go shopping!" Ah now I know why Bella has that look of fear in her eyes.

"Alice, I'm not sure Bella is up for your style of shopping. She's not a big fan of long extensive shopping trips." Neither of us had discussed Bella's condition with Alice so I wasn't going to say that a normal Alice-style shopping trip would put Bella in the hospital. That may be a slight exaggeration but not that far from the truth. She definitely needs exercise to keep her healthy, but maybe not an 8 hour trek around the mall.

Bella took in Alice's pouty face and caved. "It's okay Alice. We can go to the mall but maybe just for a little while." I'm going to need to watch them carefully to make sure Alice doesn't try to over do it but if I have to I will tell her about Bella's health. I'm not going to let anything, including my sister, harm Bella.

"Alright guys, let's head out." So we cleaned up the remains from breakfast and headed over to the hospital. I had yet to tour the facility since I arrived so it took a bit of meandering to find the right department. Bella and Alice had tagged along since they were both curious of where I'd be working. I was very uncomfortable when I caught two bottle blonds leering in my direction. They were obviously nurses in my department so I would be working with them. I only hope they get the picture that I'm spoken for. The thought caused me to almost involuntarily wrap my arm around Bella's waist. It may be unprofessional but I wasn't going to let these girls think for one minute that they stood a chance with me. At the sight of my arm around Bella they both huffed and walked off. Good, hopefully that worked.

"Dr. Cullen, nice to meet you in person finally." The blond man in front of me smiled and offered me his hand. I shook it and smiled, happy to feel so at ease with my boss from the start. He'd always made me feel very relaxed when we talked on the phone. After running my own practice I'd been hesitant about working for a hospital, but I could tell this guy was good at what he did.

"Likewise, I'd like you to meet Miss Isabella Swan and my sister, Alice Cullen. He smiled and shook Bella's hand but when his eyes took in Alice they suddenly grew wide, his smile widening. Okay, that's kind of weird. "Ladies, this is Dr. Jasper Whitlock, he's the Psychiatry Department Chairman."

Alice's whole face was glowing so brightly I half expected her to burst into flame. Both Dr. Whitlock and Alice were staring at each other like they'd suddenly found their long lost love. It made me think of this 'love of her life' guy that she just met... wait a minute. No... it couldn't be.

"Alice, is this... is he?" Neither of them broke their stare as she nodded slowly in response. She knew what I was asking. I can freaking believe it! My sister's in town one day and she meets and subsequently falls in love with my boss? This could either be good or really really bad. I looked over at Bella to get her opinion as it was obvious the love birds were going to quit their staring contest anytime soon.

Bella was grinning widely and had a bit of a far off look in her eyes. I nudged her gently to get her attention. She leaned over and whispered, "I think maybe we should give these two some alone time." She winked and pulled on my sleeve while backing away slowly. Well I guess if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. If this means alone time with Bella, then I'm all for it.

"Dr. Whitlock, I'll be back this afternoon and we can take care of that paperwork. Alice if you need a ride or anything, just give me a call." They both had somehow gotten much closer to each other since the staring thing began and something tells me I don't want to be here when the actually are touching. Their joint response was just to nod slightly without breaking their trance. Well at least the guy's not a serial killer, but I'm still a bit worried for Alice. She's living in Chicago and he's in Richmond. She's known him for less than a day and they're acting like love struck fools. My heart goes out to them but my head can't help but worry.

Once Bella and I made it to the car she started to laugh loudly and I couldn't help but join her. It was pretty funny.

"Your sister... and your BOSS!" She squeaked out between chuckles.

That sobered me up a little. "Yeah I just hope it works out. I mean, I know better than to bet against Alice, but really how could that work? She lives in Chicago for heaven sakes!"

"You never know what might happen. Not too long ago if someone had told me I'd be living with a gorgeous shrink and actually happy I'd have laughed in their face." She beamed.

"Oh I'm gorgeous am I?" I smirked, feeling playful. She just nodded bashfully, her cheeks glowing red. "So you want to blow this popsicle stand?" She nodded again, this time looking more excited than bashful. "Great, I know just the place."

I drove us back home and I'm sure Bella was thinking I didn't have any other place to take her but she was mistaken. I'd found this great meadow when I was jogging along the path in the woods behind our house.

When we got out of the car I took Bella's hand in mine, happy just to have her close to me. I slowly led her around the house and to the path. She lit up when she realized where we were going, or at least that we were doing something more interesting than watching TV. When we came upon the meadow she gasped softly at the sight. The fresh green grass dotted with wildflowers blew gently in the breeze and was so inviting.

"I found this place not too long ago and I've been wanting to take you here. Then you were out of commission of a while so I was afraid to overtax you … anyway I think we both needed a little break from that house." She just smiled and settled down in the grass, taking in her surroundings.

"It's so beautiful, Edward. Thank you."

Now for the hard part. I sat down next to her and took her hand again.

"Bella, I know we both have sordid pasts, but right now I don't want us to dwell on that. I'd like to think about the present... and maybe a little bit of the future."

"Yeah, you're right. It's just that... when I heard your story last night all I could think was..." she trailed off, looking at some far off non-existent point in the tree line.

"What is it, Bella? You can tell me."

"I thought maybe you just took the time on me because you felt guilty about Jane. Like I'm some kind of 'do over' for her. I'm nothing special. Why else would you bother with me? And... I just... I don't want to be hurt again." She looked in my eyes and I could see all the pain and fear in them. This is a woman who has been hurt by someone she thought loved her. It's natural for her to be fearful of a new relationship but I can't help but feel the burn of rejection from her thinking I could possibly hurt her.

"Bella I would never... no... I **could** never hurt you. It's not a possibility. I want to be with you because of who you are, not because of where you were when we met, both physically and emotionally. Jane was a sick girl and as much as it's hard for me to admit, and as much as I wish I could have done more, what happened really wasn't my fault."

She looked hesitant so I continued. "You are my life now. Don't ever doubt that."

"Edward, I'm sorry. When I heard you playing it was like I could feel your emotions. I know you're nothing like him. Just sometimes.."

I broke her sentence with a kiss. "Bella it's okay. I understand, really I do. The only way I can earn your trust is over time. Just give me a chance... give this a chance." I said while motioning between us.

"Okay." She kissed me back with a fiery passion. I couldn't resist touching her, so my hands slowly moved to her face. I moved to caress her neck and collarbone while our tongues continued to dance. She sucked on my lower lip and I couldn't stop the low groan I emitted. My lips traveled to her neck, following the path of my hands which were now at her waist.

Tentatively, my thumbs brushed the bottom edge of her breasts and she pushed into them, inviting further exploration. I nibbled my way back up her neck as my hands palmed her soft flesh. Her hardened peaks rubbed against my palms and she let loose a loud moan. My already straining pants became tighter.

As much as I was enjoying this, I know her ribs are still healing. "Bella we need to stop... you're ribs."

"Ugh... no. Edward..." she panted between kisses. "I need you now... inside me."

Holy fuck I almost came right then.

Instead I just growled into her neck, attacking her with my teeth, all the way up to her ear. "Do you have any idea the affect you have on me?" I whispered. My hand caught one of hers that was currently buried in my hair. I ran her hand over my still covered erection, barely suppressing a groan. She however didn't suppress hers.

Apparently my move struck a cord because suddenly I was pushed onto my back. Bella's lovely tresses fell around me as she moved to straddle me and leaned over, but were swept away when she lifted her shirt above her head. Her bra soon followed and I was once again graced with the glorious sight of her breasts. Before she could blink I was up and had my mouth latched to her nipple, my hand teasing the other. She arched her back in response and subsequently rolled her hips causing a wonderful friction against my straining length.

"Fuck! Bella … oh god.." I wanted to tell her to stop, that I was afraid of hurting her, but my brain decided it would let my dick take over for while and I was lost.

"It's okay Edward. As long as I'm on top I think I'm fine. I'll just go slow and play it safe." It was like she could read my mind.

A flurry of motions later I was beneath her again naked. She was again above me but now mirroring my state of undress.

"I don't have anything with me... I wasn't exactly planning for this." Suddenly realizing we needed to be responsible adults can be a buzz kill but a necessary one.

"It's okay, I have an IUD*. And I was checked recently so I'm clean."

"Me too, you sure you're okay with this?" I was straining not to just take her but I needed to make sure she was okay. Her response was to lift off me, where she had been rubbing against me slowly, grasping me and sliding down on my cock.

"Holy fu-" I couldn't even say two words. The feeling of being inside her was indescribable. She was slick and warm and squeezing me so deliciously. I had to start thinking of Margaret Thatcher naked to keep from exploding right then.

Slowly she rocked her hips and began riding me, her head back, and making the most fantastic mewls and gasps.

"Oh Edward, you feel so... so good." Her hands were on my chest holding her up, making her moving breasts push up and out toward me. One of my hands that had been on her hip moved to tease a nipple, the other moved to her swollen bundle of nerves between us.

"Yes! Oh God Yes!" Her movements sped up as my thumb increased it's pressure on her clit. Her eyes closed from the sensation but I couldn't have that.

"Open your eyes, Bella. I need to watch you cum around me." Her eye shot open as she moaned and I could feel the familiar coil in my stomach. I knew I needed to get her to come very soon. "Does that feel good, love?" I said while circling her clit.

"Ugh.. yes" She was fighting to keep her eyes open, the sensations being so strong.

"That's right, my love, let go... come for me." And she did, screaming out my name and pulsing around me. The feeling was so strong as I finally let go it was like the world exploded around us. White spots clouded my vision and my screams matched her as we melted together.

I started to come down from the high when she started to collapse forward. I caught her before her ribs came in contact with my chest. Carefully I rolled her over to her side, keeping her wrapped in my arms.

"Are you alright, love?"

"I freaking fantastic! That was... I just... never knew..."

Now I'm confused. My furrowed brows must have made that obvious.

"Um well.. I never really ever.. got _there_ during actually sex before." What?

"You mean you've never had an orgasm during sex? Ever?"

"Nope... not until now that is." She grinned. Well that'll boost a guys ego for sure.

"First of many, love. First of many."

–

**AN: Hope you liked it. I kinda rushed through the lemon. Don't worry – next chapter takes up where this one left off :)**

**I've learned now the peer pressure is an effective tool in getting reviews.. sooooo...**

**Review this chapter! All the cool kids are doing it! You you wanna... just one click. Come on :) Try it!**

**Have a good holiday, all!**


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: Sorry for the long wait, guys! The holiday weekend was hectic and it's rather difficult to write while driving... plus add in seeing Eclipse twice and well, you get the idea.**

**Also, I know I said this chapter would start where the last one left off but … well, I changed my mind. I figured the plot needs to move forward a little bit and Bella's ribs need to heal so they can do other fun stuff. Don't worry – this chapter is quite citrusy. Hope this makes up for it!**

**I don't own Twilight, but I did invest some funds in the latest movie recently.**

Ch 14

BPOV

I've never been a big fan of flying. It's not that I'm particularly scared of it, well maybe of the turbulence but that's about it. I think it's just the cramped seats, crying children and endless waiting for what's actually only an hour and a half long journey that bothers me. After all the security check ins and navigating parking garages it took half a day to make it from our home in Richmond to Emmett and Rosalie's house in NJ, just outside of Manhattan.

Of course I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about returning to New York. I know the police have told me that James never returned to his Brooklyn home and there's been no sightings of him in the City. Garrett's also confirmed this, saying that no one in the party scene have heard anything from him. However, James has a lot of friends in New York and knows how to lay low. It's unlikely I'll see him but I'm still a little worried about tomorrow night.

Tomorrow, after the obligatory 'tourist trap guide to New York' trip that I'm taking Edward on, we'll be meeting Garrett and Kate at a party. It's my first time seeing all these people since I left James. Most likely everyone will pretend like I never left but I know how they all abandoned me and sided with him, and I know what they'll be saying behind my back.

Why go back at all you ask? Good question. Edward seems to think it would be healthy for me to face my fears, especially since James is MIA and won't be showing up. Plus there is that small part of me that's excited about showing up with Edward. It's kind of like going to a high school reunion with you're really hot spouse and laughing at your unsuccessful former classmates.

Meanwhile I get to listen to Emmett tease Edward and I every chance he can get. We'd just arrived at their house after taking an excruciatingly expensive cab ride and were given none too subtle hints about the mile high club and keeping it down in the guest room so we don't wake the boys. Ugh.

As soon as Emmett got me away from Edward for a minute he turned from embarrassing to uber-sappy for some reason.

"I really missed you, Bells. It's not the same without you."

"Em, it's been a month since you moved and I talk to you almost every day, and video chat at least once a week!"

"Still... I miss my baby sis. And I'm worried about you being down in Richmond all by yourself, especially with that psycho on the loose."

"But I'm not all by myself. I have Edward, ya know." Emmett seemed to grimace a bit which was weird. I know he pulls the big brother act with Edward but I figured that over all he approved. "Is there something wrong with Edward all of a sudden?"

"No, nothing like that," he rushed to respond. "I know he's an okay guy and he'll look out for you. I'm actually really happy you found someone who treats you the way you deserve. I'm just worried that James is up to something and … well... I don't want anything happening to either one of you guys. If it weren't for this job..."

"Em, stop right there. I know you're worried about me and as my big brother that's kinda what you do, but Edward and I are fine. There's been no sign of James and while it is possible that he could come back, we'll just have to deal with that when the time comes. I'm not going to let that asshole make me live in fear and I'm certainly not going to let him affect your family or your livelihood."

"Maybe I should come with you guys tomorrow night. I've never been to one of these underground parties you're always talking about. It might be... uh, nice... like a new experience or something."

I tried to hold back my laugh but it burst through my lips anyway. Emmett at a trance party was something I never thought I'd see in my lifetime. Sure my brother is a fun guy, but more of a video games and trip to the zoo with the kids kind of person. I can't imagine that booming psychedelic music and black light décor would ever appeal to him.

"What? I can get down with peeps." This only made me laugh harder.

Edward joined us in the den after unpacking our luggage in our guest room. "What's so funny, love?" He smiled, obviously happy to see me so lighthearted after a day filled with anxiety.

"Emmett... party... peeps!" I was making no sense trying to talk and gasp for air in between guffaws.

"Bells here seems to think I would not fit in with her cool party friends. Whatever sis... I can fashizzle my nizzle elsewhere if I'm not wanted." He huffed, obviously hamming it up for sympathy points.

"Aw, Em no... I'd love for you to come. It's just... well you'd have to wear something other than the standard polo and khaki's, ya know. It sort of screams 'Narc!'" Both sets of eyes widened a bit in response. Okay, maybe I didn't really explain these parties too well to them.

"There's going to be DRUGS at this thing? No – no way is my little sister going to a drug orgy. Not going to happen."

"Relax Em. It's not a psychedelic trance party without psychedelic drugs... kinda comes with the territory. But don't worry, I don't do that stuff anymore. I'm just going to say hi to some people and leave."

Now it was Edward's turn to chime in, "Anymore?" Yeah so maybe I didn't really talk to him about the drugs. I figured after the party he'd probably know if he didn't figure it out from what I'd mentioned about James. He didn't sound judgmental, just curious so I answered truthfully.

"When I first met James I'd never tried any of that stuff. He never mentioned it for the first 6 months we were together. Then he started singing the praises of trying 'new experiences' and 'expanding your mind.' After a while I got curious, especially after going to parties and seeing so many other people doing … things. They looked like they were having fun so I figured it couldn't hurt. I never really liked drinking so I thought maybe this would be another way for me to open up and relax at parties."

I took a moment to look at the boys and both looked concerned but urged me to continue.

"The first time I tried E, I mean 'ecstasy' it was just James and me alone in his apartment. We just talked and snuggled for hours – totally harmless. So after that good experience I went on to try other things like acid and mushrooms and some designer psychedelics … foxy, 2CI, GHB... stuff like that. It was always whatever James handed me. Sometimes I wouldn't even know what it was until it hit. I know it sounds really irresponsible of me but at the time I trusted James so much. He'd never hurt me at that point and I figured he knew best.

"Before I knew it, what had started as once every few months turned into two or three nights a week. There was always some major social function to attend – some big festival or a friend of a friend's rooftop party – and there was always something that we needed to celebrate for whatever reason. Finally it got to the point where I'd go days before coming down to reality and I started to forget who I really was anymore. That's when things started getting worse.

"By the time I figured out I had a problem I was in so deep it took some willpower to detox, but I did it. I don't think anything I was doing was actually chemically addictive, just habit forming. I was smart enough to avoid ketamine."

Edward looked at me with a curious expression, I'd assumed he would know what it was. "Animal tranquilizers? Who uses ketamine recreationally?"

"Oh it's very popular in the scene. Lots of people trip off it because it's a dissociative. You can take it and literally fall into a black hole and it's like you no longer exist. It's the ultimate escape from reality. I was smart enough to know that it's highly addictive, not to mention I saw what it did to the people who did get really addicted. I'd say it's more insidious than heroin."

"Have you taken any street drugs since you got on your lupus medication?" Edward, always the doctor, was asking the questions now. Emmett just sat dumbfounded on the couch. I think it was a bit of a shock to find out his little sister used to be a junkie.

"No, that's actually what helped me get clean. I knew I couldn't mix the two so when I got diagnosed I had to stop even the casual usage I'd been doing. If anything I have Lupus to thank for a lot of things."

Emmett stood up and started pacing. "I really don't like the idea of you going to this party tomorrow, Bells. If dad was still alive..."

"Well he's not, okay. And I'm a big girl now. I am fully capable of attending a party where drugs are present without partaking in any. I was doing it for months before I left James. Edward will be with me the whole time. Besides this isn't an after school special. No one's going to try to trick me into taking anything."

What surprised me next was Edward stepping up to my defense. "Emmett it's okay. Bella is right. She's a grown woman and is obvious capable of taking care of herself. I will be there as well if she needs me but I think this is an important step for her. She needs to move on from the lifestyle she had up here and the best way to do that is to face her past head on so she can move past it."

–

Emmett begrudgingly agreed but decided to bow out on the party himself which I think was for the best. Now Edward and I are standing outside the DUMBO, Brooklyn warehouse trying to look inconspicuous while waiting for Garrett and Kate's arrival. I wanted to walk in with them in case the reaction to my presence is a bad one. Garrett thinks I'm overreacting but I'd feel safer knowing I have a couple other people there to vouge for me.

"Bella! It's so good to see you again!" Out of nowhere a pair of arms were encircling me and I was squished into an overly eager hug. Pushing back slightly I was able to see it was a very happy Kate, eyes and smile wide while chewing gum quickly. Ah yes, she has reason to be happy to see me.

"Kate, Garrett, you guys decide to start the party early?" I snickered, knowing it was probably Kate's idea. She was big into dropping E at the pre-party then usually some acid at the big event followed by more E at the after party. A combination that would probably land me in the hospital or at least give me a wicked hangover.

Garrett smiled even wider, pulling Kate to his side and fixing his glasses which were slightly askew, probably from running to catch up with his girlfriend. "You want guys want some? I got some great Molly from Ben." I stopped him right there. I knew neither Edward nor I would partake and Garrett was never known for being discreet. If I let him continue half of Brooklyn would know exactly where to procure the best drugs.

"Thanks but we're good." Then I realized in the moment I'd forgotten my manners. "Hey guys, this is Edward... Edward, this is Garrett and Kate." Edward held out his hand for shaking but in his current state, Garrett was in the mood for hugs.

"Group hug" was shouted and I was suddenly pulled in again by Kate into one big mush of sweaty happy limbs. What I'd give to know what Edward was thinking right now.

I dragged him into the party once we all got our bearings and went through the obligatory stamp and coat check process before ending up in the main room of the party. It was an old abandoned warehouse that someone rented for the weekend. So many people think we just break in to buildings to throw parties but that's laughable. The reason why we get away with so much is because as much as possible is done by the books.

We stopped by the bar and I got a red party cup filled with only coke and Edward got a water bottle. Sometimes you can get alcohol but it increased the risk of being shut down immensely so most parties were BYOB.

A group of girls I used to call friends approached us all giggling incessantly. I'm starting to wonder if there was a sudden influx of ecstasy or Molly (another name for the drug) because you usually don't see this many giddy people at a trance party.

"It's SOOOO good to see you again Bella. I heard what happened and I was like SOOO upset. Are you okay? Do you need to talk?"

What? Now I'm curious. I know James' has been spreading lies about me but I didn't think there would be any worthy of sympathy.

"Thanks Bree but uh... I'm okay. What exactly did you hear?" The gaggle all started their giggling again and I had a bad feeling. Maybe I shouldn't have asked.

"James told us how you got sick and had to go to that … facility... and that's why you haven't been back. Well, until now." She looked over at Edward and feigned sincerity. "Are you her doctor? We're all so glad she could come out. And without the straight jacket and everything." With the last like she broke down and laughed out loud. Her flock of inebriated half wits followed her as she left us standing there with mouths ajar.

"He told them you went insane?" Edward's fists were balled and I swear I could see steam coming out of his ears. "I don't know what's worse – James or the assholes you used to call friends."

"Ah, don't let Bree bother you. She was always a snob. I doubt anyone else here has the balls to say anything to my face. Plus, if she's dumb enough to actually believe that asshole's lies then I'm lucky to no longer have her in my life."

"I was right." Edward's eyes took on a strange look, almost like pride.

"Right about what?"

"You are stronger. And I think this experience is good for you. You can finally put all these mean spirited people behind you."

"Well not ALL of them are bad. I mean Garrett and Kate..."

"Are very nice but also a bad influence. You won't ever be able to emotionally mature around people like them."

I just shrugged and kept moving. I guess he was right but it's kind of sad to admit it. Maybe it's time I branch out and make more friends in Richmond.

We walked through the crowd someone pushed in between us breaking the hold I had on Edward's hand. It was rather rude but not totally surprising in a crowd this size. I was startled by the jostle for a moment until I realized the person had bright red hair and her standard party attire – green fairy wings.

Victoria.

"I'll be right back." I yelled out to Edward as I rushed to follow her. I needed to ask her about James. From what Garrett last told me, Vicky was none-too-thrilled with him so maybe she'd give me some information that she might not be comfortable telling to a cop. I followed the red hair and green wings through the maze of partygoers until she finally disappeared all together behind the swell of the crowd. Oh well, maybe I can track her down a little later. Usually if you're looking for someone at a party the best thing to do is stay in one place and they'll come to you. Of course this logic is flawed because if everyone went by it no one would move and that would just be silly but I had to try something.

My theory proved true for Edward at least. As I stood there pondering how I'd find Victoria again and sipping on my coke, he showed up at my side.

"There you are!" He looked so relieved and I felt kind of bad leaving him like I did. "You would not believe some of the offers I received on my way to find you. There are some crazy things going on here." Yeah, tell me about it. I used to live it.

"Sorry about that. I saw Victoria, James' latest girlfriend and I wanted to see if I could talk to her but she got away." He looked concern but let it go. I'm fairly certain he knew I'd explain the details in a less crowded setting.

Suddenly the crowd was starting to get to me. I always had a small amount of social anxiety disorder, which is why I took so easily to drugs in the beginning. Crowds have a tendency to overwhelm me and can cause panic attacks if I'm not careful. I felt the room grow hotter and start to spin and I knew it was time to find a quiet secluded spot.

I dragged Edward to one of the many private rooms set up for "massages" and shut the door quickly. As soon as I looked into his eyes I felt all of that overwhelmed feeling channel into lust. Like if I only kissed him hard enough it would make the spinning stop. I grabbed his shirt and spun him until his back was against the door and I was on my tip toes thrusting my tongue down his throat.

My hands joined in on the fun and I began groping and tearing a buttons and cloth. The need to feel his skin became stronger by the minute. I was feeling unsteady and I needed his touch to ground me. A load groan escaped his mouth and it broke my train of thought if only for a moment.

Something's not right. I don't feel right.

"Bella, you are so beautiful."

And just like that I was snapped back into touching, groping, kissing. Each touch felt like a lightening bolt jolting through my body. It felt somehow familiar but I wasn't sure how. All I could think was _MORE_.

Before I knew what what happening I was on my knees before Edward. My hands tugged on his jeans releasing the buttons. In one smooth motion I pulled his pants and boxers to his ankles where he quickly stepped out of them. He was naked before me and all I had left on was a pair of jeans and my converse. I took in the beautiful sight of his erection and gasped. It certainly wasn't the first time I'd seen it but every time it took my breath away. Edward naked was a sight to behold but I couldn't concentrate on that. The world was getting hotter and swirlier by the minute. I needed more contact with my Edward.

My mouth encircled his head and he let out something similar to a growl in response. I began alternating between swirling my tongue and sucking, each stroke causing more delicious sounds until they became almost an echo in my ears. The heat began to swell around me as I fondled his balls with one hand and the base of his shaft with the other.

"Bella... I'm gonna come" Edward started pulling lightly at my hair but I could barely feel it or hear him for that matter. I was completely engrossed in the task at hand, or mouth rather, or both. It got so intense I had to lean forward and brace myself, trying in some vain attempt to get the world to stop moving. That's when I felt his thick warm fluid shoot down my throat. I happily swallowed, smiling at a job well done.

I went to try to stand but my legs were jelly. Too much heat. Why is it so damn hot? Edward was looking a lot less like Edward and a lot more like a big old blur which was pretty confusing. Did I just give a blur a blowjob. I laughed because that's pretty freaking funny. Then the blur in front of me moved and I fell back on something firm just as I gave in to the overwhelming sensations around me. I think I heard someone yell my name. Wow – never orgasmed from giving head before. That's gotta be a first right?

I smiled while the blackness encompassed me.

–

**AN: I know – a cliffy. But I should be posting again on Saturday assuming I have an internet connection at the hotel I'm staying at in DC. July's a busy month, what can I say?**

**So what do you think happened to Bella? Did she:**

**A) get simply overwhelmed by Edward's awesome naked body and swoon?**

**B) suddenly have some kind of weird Lupus reaction and pass out?**

**C) somehow get sabotaged by someone at the party?**

**D) develop narcolepsy in the last 5 minutes**

**Review! I'll do my bestest to use your suggestions :) Thanks to all who are reading and enjoying this story!**


	15. UPDATE Authors Note

**AN – UPDATE**

I had hoped I wouldn't have to do one of these annoying "not really a chapter – just an update dealies" but things have gotten a little nuts here and I feel bad leaving you all high and dry.

Between last minute travel plans and my BFF having a baby (at 31 wks so it's been touch and go for a while) I'm going to have to go on hiatus for a couple weeks. I have half a chapter I've been working on so once I finish that I will post it and then I won't be back until Saturday 7/31.

Sorry to be a downer. The good news is my friend and my new godson are both on the up and up so things are improving. Plus I have a bunch more story ideas for when I finish this one. I'm refusing to start anything new until this story is finished but to be honest this idea isn't my best – I just needed to start somewhere. That being said I have been scratching down outlines for other ideas. I'd love your guys opinions as to what you'd like to read next. Here a few I have so far – (the names are finalized, it's just so I can keep them sorted and this way you can say 'I want to read this title' without having to copy and paste a whole darn description) - also, all of these would be rated M with lemony goodness...

**Burning Vampire **(B x E)

...Bella decides to try out the 'Burning Men' festival with her on-again-off-again boyfriend Mike. The stress of preparing for the major event causes them to break up as soon as the arrive to Black Boulder City. Bella is forced out of her camp and ends up meeting Edward, a member of 'Vamp Camp.' Yes – that's right – vampires pretending to be humans pretending to be vampires. Of course Bella has no idea Edward's not human, and sparkley skin is a big hit at the alternative arts festival so no one would think it's out of place. Together they explore the festival where anything can happen. This is a fluffy, happy story with a good dose of humor.

**Past and Present** (B x E x Jasper)

...Bella wakes up as a vampire with no memory of her human life. Though he's only just met her, Edward is by her side, telling her about his own past while slowly growing closer to her in the present. The story flips back and forth between Edward's past and Bella's present, each chapter containing half of each. As the story unfolds, Edwards past eventually comes back to find him in the form of his past lover, Jasper. Who will Edward choose, Bella or Jasper? Does he have to choose? This is a Bella x Edward x Jasper story so if polyamory isn't you're thing then, well... this story wouldn't be for you. I can say that the format of this, flipping between past and present, allows for an interesting lemon idea... Edward remembering a time with Jasper, and Edward currently enjoying his time with Bella. Could be fun :)

**Vampire Detective** (B x Jasper)

...Jasper never met Alice in that diner. He wandered alone and eventually turned to vegetarianism on his own in an attempt to at least find human companionship. He's still an outsider, working as a detective in Portland. One day a brunette bombshell darkens his doorway. She wants his help solving the suspected murder of her father. He'll find more than a job along the way. Meanwhile, Bella knows all about vampires. She dated Edward up until he was killed by James and Victoria in the ballet studio in Phoenix. Her fear of the Volturi keeps mouth shut once she gets close enough to Jasper to see his secret. What she doesn't realize is that this partnership is part of a much bigger picture.

**Heavy in Your Arms** (B x E)

…AH...Basically it's a version of 'The Cutting Edge' … Bella is a prissy/snarky pairs figure skater who has lost her partner. Edward is a cocky speed skater who's recent injury ruined his chance to compete – unless he tries something new. It's an unlikely pair but together they are a work of art on ice. And yes, the title was stolen from the song on the Eclipse soundtrack. Every time I hear that song I think about how perfect it would be for an iceskating routine.

**Never Going to Happen** (B x J)

...AH...Bella is a nobody who just felt like seeing her favorite band, even if none of her friends would go with her. Jasper is a Texas native with a rough past, and also the star of said band. Jasper sees Bella alone, happily singing along to all the lyrics, and much to her surprise, approaches her after the concert. Its the beginning of an unlikely friendship. Bella has been hurt before and is never going to believe the hot musician and star of her dreams could possibly have feelings for her. It takes help from Alice, Peter, Charlotte, Rose and Emmett to get these two on the right track... or else it's never going to happen.

Let me know which idea you like best. Your opinion matters! If they all sound like crap – just tell me, I'll come up with something better :)

That's about it for now. And don't worry – I AM finishing 'The Edge' first. I have the rest of the story mapped out and I think you all will be happy in the end.

**Thank you for your continued support!**


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